(A friend shared this with me.. sometimes we say things that hurt others.. so we should learn to tame our tongues & make this world a better place.)

I admit it. I'm a talker. Chances are, if I walk into a room, I'll be
the first to say hello—even to a person I don't know.

Most of the time, my talkative personality is a positive attribute—it
aids me in making friends quickly and helps others feel included in a
group. But sometimes, I get so caught up in doing what comes
naturally—talking—that I forget to think before I open my mouth.

Almost everyone's heard the old adage: "Loose lips sink ships." When I
express my own thoughts and feelings a little too freely, I do no
harm, except perhaps allow someone to get to know too much about me
too soon. But my "harmless" chatter gets me into trouble when I share
tidbits about others.

All the little confidences I've shared, such as "Trina's* really
concerned about her daughter, Sue, because Sue's sleeping with her
boyfriend," or "Pray for Katie, she's going through treatments for
infertility," merely seemed like interesting conversations until one
day three years ago.
"Praying" for Maris

It happened over a diet Coke at my friend Ann's house. As we both
tsk-tsked about the escalating divorce rate, Ann, whose husband had
left her four years earlier, commented, "I'm so sorry for the women
behind the statistics. I know what it's like to be alone and scared
about what's going to happen next."

Just then, I thought about asking Ann to pray for Maris, a mutual
friend who had just told me that her marriage was in trouble. I
rambled on with details of Maris's marital woes. Ann hadn't a clue our
friend's marriage was so deeply troubled. She felt terrible that Maris
hadn't told her about it.

After our conversation, I felt sick, but I pushed my feelings aside.
However, as the days wore on, I realized—painfully—that I'd been wrong
to share news that hadn't been mine to share. Not only had I broken my
struggling friend's confidence, but I'd put Ann in the midst of a
distressing situation.

I swallowed my pride and phoned Ann to apologize. Then, taking a deep
breath, I phoned Maris and asked if I could come over.

Before we even sat down, I blurted out in misery, "Maris, I blew it.
Remember a month ago, when you shared with me how you and Mark were
struggling in your marriage? Well, last week when Ann and I were
talking, I told her about you and Mark. I'd meant to talk in general
terms, but then—well, your name slipped out."

Maris's jaw dropped. Her lips quivered. She got teary-eyed.

I plunged ahead. "I don't know what to say. I wish I could take my
words back, but I can't. Can you ever forgive me?"

Maris sighed. "I wish you hadn't said anything," she said slowly.
"Having someone else know about it only makes it harder on me—and
Mark. But you're right. You can't take your words back. I'll phone
Ann, so she knows you talked to me—and I'll ask her to keep it
confidential."

Ouch. Although Maris and I had been friends for five years, I knew it
would take a long time before she'd trust me again.

"Maris," I said, reaching over to hug her, "I'm really sorry. I
promise I won't share your confidences—or anyone else's—in the
future."

"Don't promise what you can't keep," Maris said softly, looking me
straight in the eye. As soon as I got to my car, the tears flowed. I
thought of Proverbs 15:2: "The tongue of the wise commends knowledge,
but the mouth of the fool gushes folly." I knew which one I
represented.
Taming my tongue

The Bible calls the tongue "a restless evil, full of deadly poison"
(James 3:8). One of the strongest commands God gives in his Word is to
watch what we say: "The tongue is a small part of the body, but it
makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a
small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the
parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course
of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell" (James 3:5-6).
When you gossip—talk idly and inappropriately about someone
else—you're allowing a tiny part of your body—the tongue—to control
you, and your words can be used to damage others.

God, who created us, knows how easily loose lips can ruin another's
reputation, introduce mistrust into a relationship, encourage the
gossiper to embellish her tale for dramatic effect, and cause her to
sin further by being tempted to lie when confronted with, "Did you
really say that about me?"

After my experience with Ann and Maris, I knew I had to confess my
wrongdoing to God and ask him to forgive me. I also needed to ask him
to help me keep my mouth shut when I should. I prayed that my
"sharing" wouldn't ruin my friendship with Ann and Maris.

Thankfully, it didn't. But it did make them more wary of opening their
hearts to me for many months—and it made me more careful about
inadvertently passing on gossip. Now when I'm privy to some juicy
news, I ask myself two key questions before I unzip my lips.
Golden Rule for conversations

Is the news approved for sharing? It's part of my innate nature to
want to be "in the know." It's easy for me to spread gossip under the
guise of being well-meaning, even prefacing my news with "I wish you'd
pray for . …"

But just because my sharing is well-meant doesn't mean it's
appropriate. For instance, let's say a friend of mine recently broke
up with her boyfriend of four years. Wanting to help her, I phone
another friend who went through a breakup several years ago to ask her
to contact my distraught friend. While my intentions might be good,
they're misguided if I don't first ask my friend if she wants her news
to be made public.

Here's a simple rule I now follow: If the other person didn't tell me,
"Go ahead and pass the news around," or "Would you ask our friends to
pray for me?" then I don't. It's not my news to share.

When the news is approved by someone, wonderful things can happen.
When I met my out-of-town friends Julianne and Jane for our
twice-a-year lunch, I noticed that Julianne had lost a great deal of
weight. I mentioned how great she looked. Julianne beamed. "I've lost
50 pounds—and kept them off! I can't tell you how great it feels! It's
such an accomplishment!"

Later, in a letter, I again told her how proud I was of her, then
asked her if I could refer two friends to her for encouragement. They
had both been struggling to lose weight. Since then, Julianne and my
other two friends have formed a weight-loss support group.

Would I want this news shared about me? If I were sitting in a room
with others blatantly talking about me, would I want what I had told
them to be shared?

My friend Michelle admits being caught in a nasty situation. While at
a restaurant over lunch, Michelle and her coworker, Sharon, stopped in
the restroom to fix their makeup before returning to their jobs. Their
small talk turned to the subject of who drove them crazy. Immediately
Michelle launched into a two-minute diatribe about Beth, a mutual
coworker. As Michelle prepared to launch into more specifics, a stall
door opened. Out walked Beth, red-faced and angry.

In a split second, what had seemed like a pressure-relief session
turned into an awkward mess. Michelle and Beth stared at each other in
embarrassed panic. Michelle knew she couldn't take her words back. In
the instant their eyes met, Beth fled out the door.

That afternoon, Beth didn't return to work, and the next day Michelle
heard through the grapevine that Beth had resigned. While other staff
members openly cheered what seemed to be good news, Michelle felt
miserable. She wished she would have talked to Beth instead of talking
about Beth.

Although that situation happened five years ago, Michelle's never
forgotten it. She tried to reach Beth several times by phone, then
wrote her a letter of apology, but Beth never responded. Michelle says
she, too, learned her lesson about loose lips—the hard way. And what's
worse is that Michelle's a Christian and Beth, to her knowledge,
isn't.

As the Bible's Golden Rule says, "Do to others what you would have
them do to you" (Matthew 7:12). What you dish out will come back. If
you have loose lips, your words will eventually return to haunt you.

A Christian Reader original article.

Copyright (c) 2002 by the author or Christianity Today
International/Today's Christian magazine (formerly Christian Reader).
--
Matthew 5:14 - You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot
be hidden.