Just There....

 

Been recovering but i'm still down lately...

Cos it just seems like everything coming at me all at the same time.. at times like this i wonder if i'm just thinking things up in my heart or mind...

Yet i shun the advice of my friends when it hits me right in the heart/mind/soul.. cos it just takes away whoever i thot i am.. challenging me fundamentally.. radically... I often turn defensive, maybe cos of my pride.. my fears... and knowing that i'm wrong... or am too coward to show signs of doubts...

I'm sorry if i ever not take ur advice.. .. rejected it at face value.. cos it's just freaky to be read like an open book... to be so transparent and vulnerable.. I seem to have this "runaway syndrome".. that i'm trying to avoid and change... and this "vulnerability", is it a blessing or a curse?

I somehow need time to think.. to turn it to my own... to hear it in my own thots and in my own words and make it my own voice....... but i thank God that you have found your own...

I just don't feel like i'm myself.. cos i don't think i know myself.... I don't think i know wat i really want.. i don't even know wat i'm searching for....

Thanks for being there... for listening... for offering out of this world/eccentric opnions/suggestions/resolutions/questions.... to me at least.. for just being you.... For offering that shoulder to cry on when i really needed it.. it's not much but it's good enough... cos some times you just need to tell that one person/or two combined... abt things that you cry abt.. and you feel better after that.. sure beats telling it 10 times to 10 different people..

Maybe i'm broken.. and need some "fixing:.. some time.. something..... but wat?! like one of those quer things we see all the time.. we always wonder.. why?.......

*sorry for my bad english, updated it.. tsk tsk...