Memoirs of my past… The one that….

 

I’m gonna to think aloud tonite… as a sudden whiff of sadness sweep over me. I stand here in my present looking back at my past… thinking of the things that have passed me by.. the people that have graced through my life. Some of them much hated, the one who was a big mistake.. taking up my precious time.. leaving me with deep wounds which have healed but scars are left behind… disfiguring the beauty of my youth. Harboring within me thoughts of regret, why why why! The one that threatened my existence… the one that I hang on to no matter wat.. he is gone now.. vanished from my life… what a relief! Yet his deeds I have forgiven and pray silently... that he is doing well in his life.

Then there was the other that stole my heart away… a short sweet fantasy what was awoken within a moment of realization of mismatched personalities, beliefs and backgrounds. This one I really loved but was not meant to be… plucking up all my courage I was forced to face reality. After an initiation of a departure… Yes, it was over! In a puff… just as it came as a dream. Too perfect, too false, too distant… aha! Sweet taste of actuality… I cherished the moments shared…. I still do but…Letting go and moving on… it’s painful and tough.. but it’s a process… I’ve been thru it…. I’m outta of it now… I’m done! I dun wanna, dun need to, and not thinking of going thru it again… now still not sure of what it’s going to become…I made a dash for the best.. but was left.. semi hopeful, semi disappointed…. Semi dun wanna think abt it anymore…

Ongoing is one.. which a beautiful friendship have blossomed and shared… this one of the past.. the most intense, true heartfelt experience… the most important as well… first love then was heartbreak, depression, disappointment, frustration, cutting off and staying alive… a long healing process… and finally reconciliation… Aw.. a long way I have come to this point. Yet this proves me wrong from all my “steorotypicality”… I thot I couldn’t do it, I thot I couldn’t handle it.. I was wrong. This one proved to be the most valued one.. a kinda friendship… a special kinda relationship.. something I never had before.. Yet I can now comprehend… It is possible.. to want the best for another.. to have a kinda love that is more then friends but less than lovers… yet some of u will never experience, agree or understand.

I have apprehension about this posting… but I gotta let it out somehow.. a release… a breath of fresh air.. just what I need to get thru this bleakful nite…. It somehow give me a comforting sense of pleasure…. to reveal the unrevealed inside.