Off to get a breath of fresh air...

 

CRAP!

 

This past week i have make myself known to some of wolfy's not so loveable habits... First was the the missing shit droppings from his tray that i was about the throw out... it was gone!! then the clue came when I realized that he was smelling like u know... gross!!! Had to bathe him straight away.. next time needed to get rid of all shit sightings immediately!!

Then a new "surprise" came in this very morning.. U know i'm not a morning person.. & last nite was partying at zoukie then supper at rivervalley fish porridge.. Yummy! By the time i got to bed it was 5:30am alrdy! Then was being terrorize by my home phone at 9am!.. Couldn't get back to my wanton mee dream later.. been having wierd dreams nowadays... then the finale.. went to the toilet to on the "heater" for my morning bath! My eyes half- open... not looking where i was going then.. Ouch! Something soushy.. "Shit!".. Oh man only to look down & realise the meaning of my words literally... damn! It's just ain't a good morning!

Lesson learnt.. LOOK WHERE YOU ARE WALKING!!! haha....

I also realize that i've been giving "crap" as well.. been complaining, mumbling & grumbling.. totally not gracious! This is not me... & not the type of person i wanna be like.. like my mom say this not only affects you but all those around you.. & I think we can surely do without so much negativity in our alrdy "Evil World" as serene puts it.. & let's not "Mumble".. always have that picture of the scene from Charlie & The Chocolate Factory.. when Willy Wonka shouted, "Mumbler!".. haha... I love that movie!...

So i'm commited to not grumble unneccessarily... We need more "Love" in our world... Love.. such a simple word but so powerful when put into action.. so spread the love ard people.. let's change the world.. be more gracious, not complain about everything & anything but be the one to make the change to the situation.. & not cry over spilled milk... things can only happen if we start with ourselves rite! :D

Today compared with Yesterday..

 

Thot this is kinda funny pic of me & wolfy.. took a while back.. finally manage to get my Hello! up and running..

Woke up without the sudden ringing sound in ur ear from the alarm, opened my eyes to a a fluffy face, of innocence of a young baby.. staring curiously into mine..
The tiredness and all historic grievances are gone.. like a puff of smoke...
I'm at peace.. with God, with myself.. with the whole world..
Reflections of recent behavior "storms".. if outburst of unwarranted words.. where did all that come from?
I'm just in a mood of calmness.. the bliss seem to be spreading all around me.. read a bit of blogs of places that i shld not go but then.. i'm just happy.. happy for you.. happy for me...
A few messages from a sweet somebody in the morning.. it's lovely to have you ard...

The afternoon feels like morning.. as i turn on class 95 on the stereo..
The ease of the day.. of sitting in front of the computer without a care in the world..
My own solitude time of wondering.. thinking.. staring into space...

Today is so sweet.. yesterday was a maddening...
Had to reach work at 8am in the morning.. then later to lunch with Uncle, Angie & Tamz..
Off home with intentions of taking a nap but then had to work on the wireless bizzare bermuda triangle of internet..
Then after that to do some errands for Dad as his personal private secretary..
Dinner time of stuffing some food down.. cos i'm so tired.. didn't feel like eating.. but had to appease my mother...
Later went of to the welcome of a new IT surprise of a combined wireless router & modem.. perhaps this would help me break free from solving the bermuda triangle mystery..
Then climbed into bed ard 10pm.. wanting to relax with some TVing.. but fell asleep.. barely 5 mins thru'..
Woke up with the deafening of the the telemedia sounds to shut it off and repositioning of myself with my "life" furry bolster.. Awww... back to Lala Land again....

It only takes a moment for ur mood to change.. for a day to go another way.. so sometimes.. we just gotta hang in there for the "surprises" that life brings.. ~ Maddy Wan

Some People just.....

 

I guess most of u have alrdy heard of my complaints of my computer & internet problems.. but complaints will just be complaints... Just dun understand how some people can be so unhelpful.. so irritating.. so selfish... Goodness... u just wanna go & strangle them... asking them for help is like asking them to save the world.. I'm alrdy at my wits end.. i mean i try to do it myself alrdy.. but i'm just stuck.. i'm lost & all you do is just heck care.. oh man... i mean they just deserve to XXXXXX... i dun even dare say it...

Am i suppose to be calm... be disappointed.. be furious.. be watever.. that's why i tell you.. u can never rely on some people.. cos people fail you.. just have do everything urself.. but hey i'm no superman.. my knowledge, power, money & resources are limited... i mean if i can really do it myself I would lor.. Urgh!! Frustration.. Grace, Grace, Grace.. I pray to God for Grace...

I feel like a doormat to some people... just have to be nice.. all smiley.. pretend that everything is alrite.. but no it's not and yet i can't breathe a word... & when i do people think it is hyprocritical like i want them to treat me nicer.. etc etc.. but no.. i'm not asking for sympathy.. for anything.. u know times like these i just want some1 to listen... that's all...

I dun know people... when i shld keep my mouth shut.. when shld i rattle off... i'm just a a very feeling person.. so i guess.. it just all shows on my face most of the time... i'm trying to change.. cos it's really not conducive.. but damn! watever... i feel like i'm gonna to explode! Better get it out of my system before i really do... Argh!! Just wanna shout! Wanna XXXX....

Gotta work tomorrow.. hope i can get some rest with all this bottled up feelings inside of me.. must reach Suntec at 8am.. there is this event game at Carrefour that i'm helping out at.. It feels so shitty man...

The Memoirs of Old School...

 

Today would be the last day at old SMU campus.. cos i've missed the phototaking session which my friends had while i was in australia.. i had to organize one of my own.. of cos not with so many people.. i mean only i haven't take mah... My friends all so sweet.. came down take pics with me!! Angie, Mel hair, Yirong, Cherish & Jennifer.. too bad Dengke, Faith, Uncle Mel & Tamz can't make it... But lucky got Jannie!! I know i can always count on her.. she stayed with me thru out.. volunteering her digicam for my use as well... then later bought me a small treat!.. So touching.. i wanted to give her a goodie bag.. but she left it in my car!! better remember to pass her next time i see her... & so late alrdy she still help me upload my pics on to my blog!! It's pass her bed time and you know her beauty sleep is of uptmost importance.. it's a big sacrifice.. Thanks you Gal!! I love u!!....

But today wanted to go down Sixth Ave for Gelato(that's my lunch btw.. hee hee).. but guess wat?! it's close for renovation!! Damn... i miss the ice-cream there... so had to settle for coffee bean... at least got raspberry cheesecake & Grace came down to have coffee with us.. never see her for so long also.. so we all had a good chit chat for a shot while.. before i had to rush off to return the graduation gowns.. made it just in time!...

At nite was dinner at my dad's Engineering Merchant Association.. it's alrite.. just hav fun chatting & gossiping with my aunt's oh man.. i'm becoming an auntie alrdy!! I mean... I dun actually feel bored.. talking about the flowers & the bees... oh boy.. they all can't stop educating me about important "lessons on life".. of finding the right "bees" & of cos being a beautiful "flower" of cos.. haha.. so corny... but it's nice to be able to share ur own piece of opnion.. I mean.. it's now when they actually listen to wat you have to say..

The best is that i got a scholarship!! my most um.. highest attained scholarly award ever... i sure hope it's not my last... I can study one okie! Dun play play arh!!... ;)

Today i got a wireless router!! It's a gift from some1 very special... so sweet rite? :D Now i can get wireless access from my own room!! dun have to plug in any cable anymore.. but first.. i gotta figure out how to install it.. shall do it on monday when i get back my lappy from "Benedict's Clinic"... I can just stay in bed 24/7... then i can have a bed ridden lifestyle! Of just burying myself in soft sousy stuff... all day long... that's a nice thot...

I think i better rush to best liaoz.. tomorrow i got an early day at church at 8:45am... Opps.. hopefully my few hours of sleep is sufficient!

 

 

This is our parting shot at the library.. it's here where we spend most of our time.. in project discussion.. our meeting place to surf net & also.. for coffee... at the vietnam cafe next door... I'm gonna to miss this place.. & all the good times we have shared gal!! :(

 

 

Why do we engage in Mind Games?

 

Hey pple... How long would you wait? This is a good way to find out what sort of personality you have... btw, I'm a no. 1.. it's interesting when i reread it again.. mabe you can give it a try as well... and let me know wat u got!

Cranberry Mist also wrong about one thing we are inevitable of engaging in.. "The Mind Game" many of us have became Masters without even realizing it.. Why then do we engage in Mind Games?

For one.. many people just can't deal with direct straightforward answers.. not ready to face reality. & the awkwardness that comes after is also another factor.. for instance if some one ask u for out and you know you are free but there is no way u can answer him that.. "No, I dun like you.. I do not want to be associated with you" but "oh dear.. i guess another time.. it's not a good day today, i've something on/I'm unwell/I'm going home".. this is just one example...

Another reason is how we want others to view us.. or the role we take on in different settings.. there some form of self-censorship depending on the company you are with.. only at certain times you can truely be yourself.. & only with the treasured few that sees this..

Maybe the question is not why do we engage in Mind Games.. cos in reality.. we all do.. but to wat extent do we have to engage in such Mind Games? I think each situation is diff... & of cos the company you are in as well... & Mind Games.. it may not be so evil as we think.. i guess if you use it in the right way.. it's a good way to avoid conflict and just a way of passing on ur message watever it is in a diplomatic way..

I read aother friend's blog today.. many a times we have to make choices: be it going to church, going out with friend, being at home with family... when can we say one is absolutely more important than the other.. it is cos "WE CAN'T".. we should not only live for ourselves.. and yes we can't live for others too.. everything must hang on a balance.. as long as we are TRUE to ourselves and it is for a good reason and not excuses... we are intelligent beings.. so just have to prioritise.. you are wat u believe... you are the outcome of the decisions you make today and you & only you have to answer to God to yourself at the end of the day.. dun try to live up to other's expectations.. dun try to be someone you are not.. BALANCE.. it's all about doing the juggle!

That's for today's airing of unwanted opnions.. Thanks for listening! :D

We all have our "Bad Days"...

 

Last nite we had a sort of heavy nite.. thrashing out in our CG.. admitting to our "bad behavior", shortcomings, moodswings... most of us.. just going with the routine of life.. it all had become just doing for the sake of doing.. not purposeful anymore... we have iron out our obstacles and set things in motion... just that we have to be consistent.. which is not easy.. like the saying goes.. "It's easier to win 1st place, but it is harder to maintain it"...

I'm glad to say i'm finaly out of my moodswings now... all things are bright & cheery once again.. I'm back all giggly and more laidback.. it's nice to be back.. :)

My laptop is still getting it's treatment from "Benedict's Clinic" left it at his home so that he can fix it up.. i mean i'm a computer idiot.. Thanks for all the help man.. if not i'll still be struggling.. he is doing the operation of reformatting.. reinstalling the programs.. & backing up my messy bunch of files, music & pics.. Pics that take up most of the space of my memory.. wonder how i end up with so many in the first place...

Last few days i have also realized that i've been taking things so seriously.. like expecting so much from some pple.. weighing myself down with money matters... thinking about wat i shld/should have done.. I mean every little detail just upset me..

For instance, I went down to a certain CPA office last week to apply for the CPA program.. then one of their staff kindly explained to me everything but then i called up yesterday & they say that the closing date for exams end of this year is already over since 22nd June.. My goodness.. i was so upset cos i had to call up my Uncle whom i haven't talk to for 10years to ask him to be my charactor testimonial.. Getting the $$.. Getting my certs.. then now this? Wat a waste of my time... i mean.. all the trouble i went thru for nothing.. I told the person that better communication shld be needed so that this won't not happen again.. but she keep insisting that this is not possible! But i came back from Australia only on the 28th!! It's so plain that it's not something i heard by mistake or wat... Goodness... wat bad attitude! I mean... dun they dun wat it means to have good customer service.. u think i'm unreasonable or too free.. go & find fault with them.. come on! okie.. i'm still irritated by this.. but maybe next time if any of you wanna apply anything there... pls double confirm.. i dun want u all to be upset or disappointed with me..

Well that said.. i also accidentally forwarded some "link" to some wrong pple.. haha.. some of u all know it.. it's the gaydar one.. haha... can't believe it.. but i guess it's not something new.. have been circulating ard for a while alrdy...

So far i've decided to just really enjoy my holiday.. carefree.. to be relax and not worry or think so much.. it's really all uneccessary... no point getting down & affecting those ard me.. it's just not worth it.. We are forced to grow up & take charge, yes... but it is also important not to lose ourselves, our happiness in the process.. it is all about managing & mindset... those of u all who are working already.. just do ur best & we all have our "Bad Days" now & then.. dun be so hard on yourself.. dun forget to take time out for yourself(not too much).. if not you will definitely "burn out"...

In These Shoes

 

Yes.. haven't been updating my blog as regularly as b4.. I'm sorry.. My internet at home sucks.. it's has become a chore to even come online to get it updated! Oh man.. i miss having my own internet in my own room...

Had a wonderful day at Sentosa last sat.. invited 2 of my friend Kailing & Jeff alway for the Fantastic Race thingy.. sort of like amazing race but i mean the weather was Hot! Haha.. we sort of had our own games rules in the end.. driving ard instead of taking the bus.. long stop breaks for New Zealand Ice-cream & then Sakae Sushi for lunch.. & this "shifu" of mine totally cracks me up!! He made so many jokes that my stomack really hurts from laughing the whole day.. This great company has definitely helped me clear my "moodiness" I had been experiencing for the last few days.. it was bad...

Sunday i was super busy, went to church real early at 8:45am for bible study.. i mean when was the last time i had to get up so early!! haha.. then went to JB to choose my pic for my graduation portrait.. it wasn't that fantastic but hope the "digital touch-up" would make my trip worthwhile.. Back & then went to meet "The gang" for tim sum supper & then chill & "reski" later on...

Today I spent most of my day in bed.. trying to get as much sleep to cure my Big Eyebags.. it's back! then at nite went to have dinner with my friends.. one of them just started 1st day on his Job.. so we were sort of like celebrating it with him! :D

I've come clean.. with somebody today.. digging up skeletons in the closet.. it feels so good to just talk about everything and know that it's no longer your call... it really up to the person to accept you for who you are... i mean.. it's my past & all so it's really my problem.. & i'm over it! I've moved on and I know that I've learn and I'm no longer the way i'm used to be.. I mean if you are a true friend.. you would love me the way I am and not try to change me...

I'm not gonna plan for the future.. i really dun know wat to expect.. I can't make any promises either.. so i hav no expectations and just gonna take a chance & go along for the ride & see what comes my way...

I know that God is leading the way and He will not disappoint me.. so i'm just gonna be faithful and do my true calling watever it is one day.. I'm not gonna to just work and work for money.. to build up assets.. there has to be a good reason for watever i'm gonna to do... Be it full-time ministry or to be a CFO one day.. God will have the glory...

I wished life was this simple but many times it is not.. I wish i have the right words to say all the time.. but I dun.. I wish i would not have a care in the world but i have many... I wish i could seat back and really just enjoy this holiday but i gotta make full use of it.. I wish you could be in my shoes and experience wat it's like to be me.. cos there is no way i can fully express wat i'm feeling..

In These Shoes

These shoes are muddy, torned and tattered..
The blaze of the sun it battled..
Soon it'll be home to rest,
in the comfort of its nest..

Shoes that was there for the laughter
and also for the tears...
Shoes that would hide in the corner in fear,
But would also be shinning in its own gear...

These shoes have a story to tell..
of roads less taken..
That left stains and worned out soles..
Yet it was never thrown into the wash
to make it into something esle...

Cos these shoes have made it through..
Each time lacing itself up again & again..
For a brand new day...

Squash or squashed?

 

As some of you know.. i'm currently trying to take up squash.. courtesy of lessons with my Shifu: Jeffery.. Thanks man! Even though he is rusty himself.. he try his best to give me pointer.. well, I manage to serve and hit a few simple balls.. Erm.. slow balls.. I'm still a amatuer.. barely getting my stroke right. But today i got a few pointers from a squash coach next door while he was packing up to leave...

Seems like i've been doing some stuff wrong.. I'm suppose to lock my wrist & not to close my stroke.. But when trying to apply it, i can't hit any balls! it's really hard trying to remember the technique and applying it at the same time.. I think i got used to my own style of hitting.. darn! I'm like fighting against myself instead of playing the game.. trying to win the battle of focusing on where to aim instead of on the ball, of mastering the technique of the right swoosh.. of being swift in moving front and back of the court.. I'm getting squashed from the bodywork rather than playing squash!

But, I've no "form" today.. keep missing the balls.. my feet feels heavy and lethargic.. maybe cos i haven't fully recuperate from my workout at the gym yesterday.. I'm on a healthy lifestyle regime.. of exercise & not food of cos.. I'm still piggy out with cheesecakes, chocolates & today went to "Chomp Chomp" for carrot cake, chicken wings, fried tofu, famous hokkien mee & washing it down with refreshing sugar cane.. it's sinful i know.. i've over eaten and now trying to calm down my stomach with some australian fruit tea...

Couldn't sleep last nite.. my mind plaque with thots of fear... you know some pple say you are fearless when you have nothing to lose.. i guess i'm scare to lose something that's when fear slowly creep in.. not sure wat's it thot? what am i scared of losing? there are just so many things going thru my head... you know i love my life right now.. but i know that it will not always stay the same & there are so many things that i need to do, so many sacrifices comes with each decision i make.. that i sometimes lose track of myself.. still not sure of which route i shld take.. not sure which one God has planned for me.. all i can do now is hope & pray...

Distance...

 

This distance thing is getting to me.. may it be thing/friend/someone.. like how all my friend are at work.. & i'm the only one bumming at home.. like how my lappy is usable but can't use it with the internet, so it's virtually just left to collect dust... like how someone is oh so far & out of reach, but yet so near...

Is proximity such an important thing is our now mobile society? Where we can remain in contact with a click of the mouse, a dial on the telephony, the sending of smses.. where we have friends & relatives from around the world, from China to Germany to Denmark to Australia... Advances in technology such as the webcam or sending of digital pics which travels at light speed across continents has put our snail mail to shame..

But the smile you see when u on ur webcam, the animated facial expressions or those postcard scenery pics that you receive.. tells of a million words.. but all of these can however never replace the charm of the old days... when u can't wait to open your letter box, of ripping open the letter & see that oh so familiar handwriting... or spots of coffee stain that may have been left behind by accident... or in the envelop that handmade special pressies of bookmarks, or cutouts or greeting cards..

It's a totally different satisfaction you get when you know that the sender make that extra effort... to handwrite, to get the stamp, to drop it off at the post office.. & to seal it with love..

So is distance such a big thing? Out of sight, out of mind? It really depends.. there are so many proves of success of people who just keep their friendship/relationships going on so strongly over like 2-5 years.. it's unbelieveable how these people do it.. i mean it is but it really requires lots of effort & sacrifice... & understanding... There are also pple who you dun see for ages even if they are in s'pore and yet when you meet, it as if you have never left each other for a day.. cos they is just so much to say & the chemistry is there...

Proximity, is it just a perception of the mind? Maybe you are how close you perceive.. doesn't matter if you are living in the same district or across oceans.. and we all have the power to control that.. distance is just one obstacle that can be overcome with sdjustments, with good communication.. cos most of the times.. friendships/relationship fail due to other things such as jealousy, hurt feelings, anger etc etc...

Distance.. wat is it exactly? It can be the way you are feeling.. as in feeling distanced... or the way you put urself... like i wanna distance myself.. it can be a physical distance... expressed in km, m, cm? Wat's the distance from the sky? there is really no answer... like each person has their own story, their own opnion... These sort of stuff you can't just put a finger on it right away..

Til i pack my bags and intend to make my living in a whole new culture and country which is like a zillion years away & like virtually sound incredulious.. yes i know.. i haven't even started working yet! But i gotta think big & far and make grand ridiculous plans first right? if not i'm won't be maddy anymore.. hahaha...

I'm happy & stuffed...

 

Last nite had my SMU family over to my place for steamboat which was meant for 20 pple.. cos my dear mom as usual over provide.. but 6 of us were there enjoying it.. yum yum! Really had a great time.. all the food was great we had a huge variety & i was introduced to longan shots! Longan with chardonnay... it was smooth.. u shld try it if u have the chance to..

As for tonite.. at one of "The Gang's" place for home made nasi-lemak... sooo sumptious..Later going for a round of movies for "Charlie & the Chocolate Factory".. wah.. not bad sia this short holiday break.. haha.. things are going so well...

But last nite was way wasted from all the eating that i didn't make it for my overnight prayer meeting.. sorry guyz.. really wanted to go!

So much for my dieting plan.. i doubt that i'm ever gonna lose this weight.. but no points deducted for not trying rite?

Hanging out with the gang tonite.. same one jokes.. of pass sch day.. getting to know all the gfs they brought along too.. all really nice gals.. i'm so happy for them.. but sometimes guys are really troublesome.. like some whom have to go home to take a shower & we had to wait for him.. is it just me or is this the norm? haha.. anyways.. i still love them all the same..

okie talk again.. gonna go play bridge now... tata!

I am Incoherent....

 

Today i went into JB to take some family portrait, why all the way there? Cos for poorer folks like us.. it's where you get value for $ deals and of cos where u have more purchasing power.. well, it quite a day for me today..

Firstly, my "gan cheong" dad demanded that we leave early in the morning.. made our way there for some local culinary delights of "Nasi Padang" & then even had time to go catch "Seven Swords" at the local cinema.. I feel localized alrdy! But despite setting off so early.. we made it to the studio late cos the movie was so long.. we had to walk out even b4 it ended..

Reach the studio late and then wat.. It was the wrong day! I made the booking for the 13th Aug instead of the 6th Aug! Shit! I'm so dead! Dad is so gonna kick my ass... but thank God, they manage to get the photography to return for our shoot.. phew!

As we got dressed and ready... I carefully wear my pressed shirt and the graduation outfit, at the corner of my eyes i see my parents beaming.. we gathered to take the shot.. The photographer adjusted our positions: where we place our hands, how much to tilt our heads, how big our smiles shld be... it's a moment captured in history.. to be one day hanging on the walls of our very own hallway.. to be passed on generations...

I look at dad & mom, how much they have aged over the years.. but some things never change like the smell of dad's strong perfume lingering in the air, my mom's same hairdo she been having for the last 10 years, my brother's rosy cheeks... & the fact that they will always be my family.. bonded by blood ties.. each of them i love dearly and how we have accepted to each person's cute habits..

Like dad, he is always the punctual one.. screaming at us when it is time to go while my mom & me scrumble for our hangbags or to finish up dressing up.. threatening to leave us all behind if we dun get down to the car in the next 5 minutes...

Then mom, she is always there to feed us.. literally.. calling us to make sure we have taken our meals.. offering us drinks of barley or liang teh, tea snacks of kueh or cheng teng, deserts of cut fruits or ice-cream.. spoiling us with chocolates or cakes... it's a neverending list.. our friends & boyfriend/galfriends included!

Bro is just the "brain" at home.. "hey ke, how do u link up to the internet".. "Could you check what's wrong with the pipe/electric box".. "Can u come over to have a look at this maths/computer problem i have"... anything technical which is on computer or on maths or general type.. we all look for my brother... but u dun always get an answer.. depends on his mood too u know..

That's my family.. for you.. I wonder how the pics will turn out.. hope it goes well... so next time i can show it to my sons/daugthers if i even have any.. i'm kids probic for now.. i'll probably adopt or just be "Godmas" for my friend's kid.. hee hee...

I feel i'm getting old and boring.. the other day had a talk with my best friend Aaron, and u know wat.. it went something like that:

Maddy: ...
Aaron: ...
Maddy: hey...
Aaron:.... (stares blankly)
Maddy: we old liaoz...
Aaron: nothing much to talk...
Maddy: yeah...
Aaron: but this feels good
Maddy: nuahing.. (slipping my drink)
Aaron: yep....
Maddy: .....
Aaron: .....
Maddy: life is slow...
Aaron: enjoy while u can..
Maddy: orh....
Aaron: start work cannot nuah alrdy...
Maddy: yeah lor...
Aaron: ......
Maddy: .......
Aaron: :)
Maddy: :)

This lasted for quite a while... but nuahing... just doing nothing.. i sure hope this lasts...

I received some really lovely chocolate coffee beans all the way from australia... it all in a olive oil looking bottle.. too pretty to eat.. the giver told me.. "one a day & by the time i finish it you can see me".. the waiting game eh? at least this part is still interesting... "one a day?" that's not me... I'll just go with the flow, eat when i feel like it and see how it goes.. i dun like to think, cos i realize some things can't be planned and even if you plan it, it may not go your way.. i'll just live it out day by day.. i know i shldn't live on impulse.. but that's the beauty of it.. the future comes only a day at a time.. just live it with no regrets, to just do watever comes to your mind at that point.. just go for it, cos you'll never know til you try..

I dun wanna live to some1 esle's expectations, to do wat the world think is rite.. i just wanna be me.. who cares abt those judge you when they have no rights.. why bother about the people who can't accept you as you are.. especially those you can't give a shit about.. those who just wanna take & take.. suck you dry, ignorant to their own self-centreness.. who think that you drive so you have to send me home! I have a car doesn't mean that i have to bring you back all the time.. it's out of good will.. and once i realized it's taken for granted, it'll be out for the window cos u know wat.. "some pple are just not worth it"... cos such things really irritates the hell outta of me.. these "pple" who assumes... only this is in reference to one particular person whom i thot was close to me but then i was disappointed and disgusted.. to think i cared so much for her but then til now i'm tired of giving.. it's been a while alrdy.. but dun expect me to talk abt it to you.. like wat u expect me to say?.. "hey, why u never give me back?", or "why so shallow, pretend to be so close?"... it's impossible to talk about and it doesn't matter anymore cos it's over.. & even though i may be petty.. let me be "da fang" for this once and get done & over it alrdy...& u probably won't know abt this cos my so pretend close friend doesn't read my blog...

Thanks for reading... Maddy here signing off.. it great talking to ya.. doesn't matter if you understand or not... cos i'm at times.. incoherent...

TGIF.. Weekend is Here!

 

Hey Pple! It's the weekend.. if u hav been wondering why i haven't been updating my blog...

No. 1 reason: My internet is bloordy slow.. i can't load it.. got problems opening email even!
No. 2 reason: My lappy is down.. can't get it to connect in internet.. gotta make do with my bro's PC (when he is not ard)
No. 3 reason: i love being disconnected.. internet, hp, tel. sms... it's nice to feel like u can't be reach & not to be bother abt stuch stuff...
No. 4 reason: I just love me life too much to spend so much time online infront of the computer... i've been up and abt doing:

- Blading
- Squash
- Jogging
- Eating out
- Chilling out
- Spending time with love of my lifes: Family & Friends
- Busy with my date ;)

There you got it... haha.. my updates of wat i've been up to this whole week... Now manage to blog cos i'm using the computer at my aunct's clinic.. working om & off here to help out.. now's lunch time so i'm not eaing snake k! Well, if you are free to go down to sch on the 20th Aug, saturday to take pics in graduation grown let me know k? Got my very professional photographer friend to help me out.. he so kindly has agreed to come down help me..

Well gotta go.. patients coming in liaoz.. ta ta!!

My Old Blankie..

 

When i was young i love my blankie and always lugged it around,
it provided me with a sense of security and comfort
'cos i knew my blankie was around...

My blankie kept me warm in the rain and cold,
At times, it became my punching bag in times of anger and fury...
It was by my side by day and by night,
I grew so attached to it that it was suffocating..

Then one day, I decided that it was enough,
that i wanted to grow up and become independent..
So off i went without my blankie and into a new world if my own..

But my blankie was still always there..
Waiting for my return...
Even though i had set it away...
while i explored my new identity..

Only then i realised that i missed my old blankie...
And the small things that i always took for granted..
Whiffing in the familiar scent as it infiltrate me...
I feel at home once again..
Unveiling the sagacity that i have gained..

Hope that this will not be evanescent or superfluous,
but that time will reveal to me...on whether
My old blankie will always be with me...