Simple Thoughts.... Complex Thinking..... In Search For An Answer
~* Wednesday, November 30, 2005 *~
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Happy "drunk"... i always look drunk.... hee hee.. :P
Wine and Dine at Wine Garage at Riverside point... +++ for it's ambience... a real romantic spot.. I like all the wine bottles at the background and of cos.. red wine.......
~* Friday, November 25, 2005 *~
Tonight's blading was super good.. I was "on form".. real smooth.. Manage to finish blading whole of ECP in half the time i usually take! Hee hee...
Yeah tomorrow i can wear jeans!! I'm at training and my instructor says can where very casual.. anything short of a bikini or flip flops would do fine... I'm currently undergoing training at Springleaf Plaza.. quite a nice place.. but don't know anyone there, but luckily meet Chin Lin.. phew!
I got so many coaching notes to clear next week! Urgh?!?!... why me?!... Dunno if it's alot or just me being paranoid... but i want to be perfect..
Perfection.. a level we can never attain yet we crave immensely.. I hate the concept! But then... I want it so badly.. to be the perfect one, the perfect worker, the perfect christain, the perfect friend, the perfect bf... The perfect life...
Yeah tomorrow i can wear jeans!! I'm at training and my instructor says can where very casual.. anything short of a bikini or flip flops would do fine... I'm currently undergoing training at Springleaf Plaza.. quite a nice place.. but don't know anyone there, but luckily meet Chin Lin.. phew!
I got so many coaching notes to clear next week! Urgh?!?!... why me?!... Dunno if it's alot or just me being paranoid... but i want to be perfect..
Perfection.. a level we can never attain yet we crave immensely.. I hate the concept! But then... I want it so badly.. to be the perfect one, the perfect worker, the perfect christain, the perfect friend, the perfect bf... The perfect life...
~* Thursday, November 24, 2005 *~
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Check out the engine! Shiny metal... I like!
My bro.. Do we look alike?
I want to ride a Harley! too bad in my minis today! :P
I went to try the ice-cream at Goodwood Park Hotel.. with norah jones like music playing in the background.. not bad for late hangout.. and with moven pick ice-cream.. and the crumbs are digestives..
Nice yummy chocolate bits...
~* Wednesday, November 23, 2005 *~
So many things happened this week... not sure how to cramp it into one entry... bump into someone the other day.. well.. he didn't even come over to say hi.. but I did... I give up... I'm old enough to not be bothered abt such petty stuff.. like who says hi first, who is to blame, what happened.. it doesn't really matter anyway.. or does it? just sad things turned out this way... but i'm fine... no worries...
Dinner with people from my run.. but guess wat.. only 8 turned up.. 5 from Smu.. where are the rest of ya! we are the most boring run ever!
Headed to zouk.. meet up with another old friend... had a good time! But later puke after the long island tea... it just doesn't go well with my stomach.. partied til i K.O. lucky got cheryl to take care of me... let's just say i'm a *ahem*.. light drinker.... I like the new zouk!
Next day, sat check out the lauch of harley davidson new models.. goodness the guys there are all soooo cute!!!! i can feel myself drooling.... biker boys are hot! haha... later was gotham penthouse with the gang.. sure brought back lots of memories for me.. haha... but i bumped into Gie there!! haha.. it's seems like both of us there for the tattoo party... went to check out Balcony.. but it ain't that great.. so hot! so crowded.. i got stomped on by this really big woman... my poor toeties...
A long hard, drilling, deep talking thru' the night with my gf... we all have our fair share of problems but really gal to have such "alliances" to confine in.. we all pour our heart, our souls out.. it's just plain naked truth... people who we love, not judgemental.. not fake... real people... these are the ones i can count on...
Sunday managing with barely enough sleep.. i headed to church, I need God's blessings.. I really thanks for my life.. it's totally by the hand of God! then later went to chill at East Coast Park.. another friend needed to talk.. guys are such jerks some times... wat happened to the good ones? Sometimes i think i'm just totally jaded and now too practical for any loving...
And guess wat?! Daniel is coming back this friday!!! then coming up.. holiday to Hong Kong and China!! For 10 Days!!! Did i mention? i'm having the best times.. adulthood ain't that bad after all... when life is a party... of cos work aside... haha... how can i forget...
Dinner with people from my run.. but guess wat.. only 8 turned up.. 5 from Smu.. where are the rest of ya! we are the most boring run ever!
Headed to zouk.. meet up with another old friend... had a good time! But later puke after the long island tea... it just doesn't go well with my stomach.. partied til i K.O. lucky got cheryl to take care of me... let's just say i'm a *ahem*.. light drinker.... I like the new zouk!
Next day, sat check out the lauch of harley davidson new models.. goodness the guys there are all soooo cute!!!! i can feel myself drooling.... biker boys are hot! haha... later was gotham penthouse with the gang.. sure brought back lots of memories for me.. haha... but i bumped into Gie there!! haha.. it's seems like both of us there for the tattoo party... went to check out Balcony.. but it ain't that great.. so hot! so crowded.. i got stomped on by this really big woman... my poor toeties...
A long hard, drilling, deep talking thru' the night with my gf... we all have our fair share of problems but really gal to have such "alliances" to confine in.. we all pour our heart, our souls out.. it's just plain naked truth... people who we love, not judgemental.. not fake... real people... these are the ones i can count on...
Sunday managing with barely enough sleep.. i headed to church, I need God's blessings.. I really thanks for my life.. it's totally by the hand of God! then later went to chill at East Coast Park.. another friend needed to talk.. guys are such jerks some times... wat happened to the good ones? Sometimes i think i'm just totally jaded and now too practical for any loving...
And guess wat?! Daniel is coming back this friday!!! then coming up.. holiday to Hong Kong and China!! For 10 Days!!! Did i mention? i'm having the best times.. adulthood ain't that bad after all... when life is a party... of cos work aside... haha... how can i forget...
~* Wednesday, November 16, 2005 *~
Ever since i started REAL work this work.. things haven't been going as smoothly as i hope.. things are getting tough but i still can manage. Monday was B.A.D. my worst day so far.. with so many things spinning out of control since the night before when my eye grew to a balloon size due to the allergic reaction from the seafood i ate at dinner.. i think i was fine already.. but wat do you know...
I want to take back my words about those people I critized.. I think i'm becoming one of them! The scenarios of instances which i have so thoroughly thought thru' in my head just go the other way in reality. Of how i would react to situations.. to always keep my calm and poise.. to not panic or succumb to stress.. to the one chirpy, cheery, positive people in the office which everyone would love... is just not happening... and all of the darnest things which i thought would never occur slap me right in my face... gosh.. is it just me? or is it the circumstances? or just someone esles' fault?
i think it's not time to start pushing the blame around.. but to accept it that I "SUCK"... and wake up from my assumptions of myself or the image that i built up in my own head... It's a steep learning curve.. and I'm at the very bottom of it. I hate to beat myself up like this, however it's no longer time to just sit back, but to sit up, stay focus and press on...
Struggling to figure out stuff which are so foreign.. especially with the new documentation standard we have to follow.. it's not a walk in the park..
Having have to keep up appearances, to make sense out of things and to make sure i can finish my work on time. Totally demoralized.. i hope things take a better turn, and my days grow brighter along the way.. Practise makes perfect right.. so practise and make mistakes now.. and learn from them. It's not the best way to go... yet it's the only way.... I hope i dun become one of those people that i dun wanna become... I need to prove to myself... I can do it!
Becoming the unbecome one
The one that i despise
The one which people eye
Of slow yet irritating actions
deeply in need of correction
The one whom people shun
the day I become the unbecome one....
I want to take back my words about those people I critized.. I think i'm becoming one of them! The scenarios of instances which i have so thoroughly thought thru' in my head just go the other way in reality. Of how i would react to situations.. to always keep my calm and poise.. to not panic or succumb to stress.. to the one chirpy, cheery, positive people in the office which everyone would love... is just not happening... and all of the darnest things which i thought would never occur slap me right in my face... gosh.. is it just me? or is it the circumstances? or just someone esles' fault?
i think it's not time to start pushing the blame around.. but to accept it that I "SUCK"... and wake up from my assumptions of myself or the image that i built up in my own head... It's a steep learning curve.. and I'm at the very bottom of it. I hate to beat myself up like this, however it's no longer time to just sit back, but to sit up, stay focus and press on...
Struggling to figure out stuff which are so foreign.. especially with the new documentation standard we have to follow.. it's not a walk in the park..
Having have to keep up appearances, to make sense out of things and to make sure i can finish my work on time. Totally demoralized.. i hope things take a better turn, and my days grow brighter along the way.. Practise makes perfect right.. so practise and make mistakes now.. and learn from them. It's not the best way to go... yet it's the only way.... I hope i dun become one of those people that i dun wanna become... I need to prove to myself... I can do it!
Becoming the unbecome one
The one that i despise
The one which people eye
Of slow yet irritating actions
deeply in need of correction
The one whom people shun
the day I become the unbecome one....
By Maddy Wan
Thanks to those who listen to me crap, complain, bitch.. sighz.. whine... long long repeated stories of how bad my day/event went..
Your support mean so much to me... and thanks for all those who prayed over me... You're God's blessing to my life!
Sorry to those whom i bombarded your phone... msg at 2am in the morning!! Sorry if i woke you up.. and for putting up with so much of my nonsense... well, you know who you are..
Pls don't blame me if i ignore/neglect you cos i just need peace and quiet day at the end of work to relax.. to just do my own stuff sometimes and not in chatty mode on msn.. for not asking you out despite how i really really want to meet up and miss you so much.. my beloved close pals... for snapping back at you during conversation... for appearing bored when i'm just tired..
Dun ask me why... I can't make it for certain slient obligations.. for not being ur personal secretary.. for not doing the things you could've done urself but still ask me to do.. for just turning up for moral support...
I'm having it as hard as it could be... so... I just hope you get the picture or some sense of EQ to figure out wat to do...
Your support mean so much to me... and thanks for all those who prayed over me... You're God's blessing to my life!
Sorry to those whom i bombarded your phone... msg at 2am in the morning!! Sorry if i woke you up.. and for putting up with so much of my nonsense... well, you know who you are..
Pls don't blame me if i ignore/neglect you cos i just need peace and quiet day at the end of work to relax.. to just do my own stuff sometimes and not in chatty mode on msn.. for not asking you out despite how i really really want to meet up and miss you so much.. my beloved close pals... for snapping back at you during conversation... for appearing bored when i'm just tired..
Dun ask me why... I can't make it for certain slient obligations.. for not being ur personal secretary.. for not doing the things you could've done urself but still ask me to do.. for just turning up for moral support...
I'm having it as hard as it could be... so... I just hope you get the picture or some sense of EQ to figure out wat to do...
~* Monday, November 14, 2005 *~
I'm too tired without any energy to further express myself.. so let the pictures do the talking... I love Tea!! and Cafe Latte!!
Apple and Peppermint Tea.. at Ice Cube.. It's a great place to Nuah... with Ben Bestest!
I'm on so into the tea craze.. I had this tropicana tea which taste citrusy.. sweet... we're are secret garden but it's ain't fantastic.. i wouldn't recommend this place.. the seats are not comfy and it's hot outside...
The Cruz.. on the left and Kailing on the right.. it's gals nite out tonight!
Cheryl with a better view of secret garden.. we're seated outside
~* Sunday, November 13, 2005 *~
Our Long Long Wait for the shuttle bus to Great World City.. well, Gade not free today.. My bro needed him.. and mom too the other one.. so it's just public transport.. I'm getting used to it! So proud of myself! :)
My New CG having our first Gathering.. it went rather well.. everybody still getting to know everybody.. so.. warming up and just casual talk.. but it's comfortable..
Xin Xin and Me with my Cafe Latte.. sipping it up at Great World City
Serene and me at the bowling alley!
~* Friday, November 11, 2005 *~
For that.. i'm one! Literally.. i've just gotten Conjunctivitis which translated is sore eyes.. I woke up this morning up and ready to go for work.. when my eyes were super puff up and itchy.. Nevertheless, work is more important.. i put on some eye drops and later got dress and headed off to Tuas to my client's place..
Today, i was determined to get to work.. i mean the client was nice.. the team was all warm and totally not boring.. and another of colleague.. the most "unpopular guy"(WG).. haha.. some inside joke was also on the job. I could barely last 2 hours when i felt that my eyes were getting worst.. i felt i could barely open it.. it was tearing and i felt horrible! Then i decided that was it and i took off to the doctors and home to get some rest... i was given a 2 days MC to recover.. cos i had a slight temperature as well.. boo hoo..
I was waiting by the phone til after 2pm to call my planner to inform her of my MC when i dozed off and woke up only later to manage a phone call but was told off that why i didn't inform her earlier which my TIC already did.. Was i being irresponsible? How was i to know that i doze off?! And being so new at work... i've been on MC twice already.. I feel really bad.. I do.. how can i help it.. And other unkind souls would say that i'm just slacking.. one person actually ask me, "Tuas too shiong for you arh?".. Wah lau.. he got such a nerve and so insensitive.. such guys should be vanquish from the surface of this earth!!! Like what Sunflower say.. "When should we tender?"...
I'm so sad.. stuck at home.. when i had to turn down my event invites to "Indochine" at Club Street this evening with Cheryl.. Sorry babe.. if only i could go.. There drinks, yummy finger food, checking cool hunks and gals.. wat's not to like?! :(
I've heard of many leaving.. going off in search for better jobs.. it's really demoralizing.. lucky for those souls who i have to bitch, whine, complain to.. I thank God for you guyz.. Pray for a speedy recovery for me k...
Today, i was determined to get to work.. i mean the client was nice.. the team was all warm and totally not boring.. and another of colleague.. the most "unpopular guy"(WG).. haha.. some inside joke was also on the job. I could barely last 2 hours when i felt that my eyes were getting worst.. i felt i could barely open it.. it was tearing and i felt horrible! Then i decided that was it and i took off to the doctors and home to get some rest... i was given a 2 days MC to recover.. cos i had a slight temperature as well.. boo hoo..
I was waiting by the phone til after 2pm to call my planner to inform her of my MC when i dozed off and woke up only later to manage a phone call but was told off that why i didn't inform her earlier which my TIC already did.. Was i being irresponsible? How was i to know that i doze off?! And being so new at work... i've been on MC twice already.. I feel really bad.. I do.. how can i help it.. And other unkind souls would say that i'm just slacking.. one person actually ask me, "Tuas too shiong for you arh?".. Wah lau.. he got such a nerve and so insensitive.. such guys should be vanquish from the surface of this earth!!! Like what Sunflower say.. "When should we tender?"...
I'm so sad.. stuck at home.. when i had to turn down my event invites to "Indochine" at Club Street this evening with Cheryl.. Sorry babe.. if only i could go.. There drinks, yummy finger food, checking cool hunks and gals.. wat's not to like?! :(
I've heard of many leaving.. going off in search for better jobs.. it's really demoralizing.. lucky for those souls who i have to bitch, whine, complain to.. I thank God for you guyz.. Pray for a speedy recovery for me k...
~* Monday, November 07, 2005 *~
I had a tremendously enjoyable friday nite just this week at a cosy house chiling out session at Tamz's place with Angie, Tamz and Uncle Mel... it's at the Water Place condo next to Cosy Bay.. a really lovely place.. The apartment was just so comfortable...
This time after much debate.. we decided to eat in with home made seafood pasta.. and nit natz such as german sausages and friend chicken wings... ending it with mini cornetto treats... & Godiva chocolates... aww.... sweet!
Later we all glue ourselves to the movie, "Hitch" under the comfort of a cosy couch.. the big plasma tv and my smu family company.. wat more could i ask for? :D
Wait.. it's not over yet.. After non-stop giggling, commentry on the scenes.. the sweet "high" from the release of endorphins from all the chocolates... we decided we just needed more food! no lah... we just wanted to get some fresh air by the beach.. it was nearby anyway... But i mean.. more food wouldn't hurt right? So we had some chicken wings.. My all time fav!! Charcoal grilled.. you can only find it at the Lagoona Hawker Centre at ECP...
By the time we decided to head home was pass midnight.. after dropping uncle off.. i forgot my pot.. so went back up to get it.. then later we decided to have some "gal talk".. only to realised we were all dozing off.. struggle to get up and drive home..
It's really great but then i must admit i'm totally guilty for not going for my area meeting cum aaron's birthday celebration.. i mean i didn't not wanna go on purpose.. they have been planning this all month long.. if i dun go then it'll be called off alrdy.. i'm sorry bro.. but i still love you as a bro and Happy Belated Birthday.. I mean i really wanted to go... i'll make up in other ways... Promise!
Sat was out with my folks for some shopping and meet up with the gang and brought them to damsey's hut but i dun think they like the place.. dun think it's their type of thing.. too quiet i guess... Sunday meet up with my old pal Raji from my JC days.. i'm glad i still have her around.. we didn't really get close til at the end of our "A"s.. just catching up on our jobs, our love life, our future.. it's just nice to know that such friends are here to stay..
Another boring week ahead.. at least got my PGL meeting tomorrow to look forward to.. my goal this week is to rid all these negative thinking and to hold my tongue.. by not being so judgemental.. so unhealthy!
This time after much debate.. we decided to eat in with home made seafood pasta.. and nit natz such as german sausages and friend chicken wings... ending it with mini cornetto treats... & Godiva chocolates... aww.... sweet!
Later we all glue ourselves to the movie, "Hitch" under the comfort of a cosy couch.. the big plasma tv and my smu family company.. wat more could i ask for? :D
Wait.. it's not over yet.. After non-stop giggling, commentry on the scenes.. the sweet "high" from the release of endorphins from all the chocolates... we decided we just needed more food! no lah... we just wanted to get some fresh air by the beach.. it was nearby anyway... But i mean.. more food wouldn't hurt right? So we had some chicken wings.. My all time fav!! Charcoal grilled.. you can only find it at the Lagoona Hawker Centre at ECP...
By the time we decided to head home was pass midnight.. after dropping uncle off.. i forgot my pot.. so went back up to get it.. then later we decided to have some "gal talk".. only to realised we were all dozing off.. struggle to get up and drive home..
It's really great but then i must admit i'm totally guilty for not going for my area meeting cum aaron's birthday celebration.. i mean i didn't not wanna go on purpose.. they have been planning this all month long.. if i dun go then it'll be called off alrdy.. i'm sorry bro.. but i still love you as a bro and Happy Belated Birthday.. I mean i really wanted to go... i'll make up in other ways... Promise!
Sat was out with my folks for some shopping and meet up with the gang and brought them to damsey's hut but i dun think they like the place.. dun think it's their type of thing.. too quiet i guess... Sunday meet up with my old pal Raji from my JC days.. i'm glad i still have her around.. we didn't really get close til at the end of our "A"s.. just catching up on our jobs, our love life, our future.. it's just nice to know that such friends are here to stay..
Another boring week ahead.. at least got my PGL meeting tomorrow to look forward to.. my goal this week is to rid all these negative thinking and to hold my tongue.. by not being so judgemental.. so unhealthy!
THis is the only pic i have... courtesy of Melvin.. i still haven't install my hp software yet.. my old lappy can't read it! But here we are at Lagoona food center.. i'm where the bright light is.. I'm an Angel! I can't help that i've a halo hanging over my head... an angel with a coconut! heee heee... :P
~* Thursday, November 03, 2005 *~
Now it seems i see lesser and lesser of myself.. I feels like i'm an evil person.. paranoid.. always supicious... alway getting into trouble/unwanted attention for the wrong reasons... maybe i'm doing things wrong.. i dun know...
Work has just started.. things aren't picking up.. considering the spare time i have on hand.. and each time taking my short breaks which turn out quite disasterous.. coming back to realise the whole world looking for me.. but then many kind individuals who say it's okie and not to worry.. with kind advise to "Enjoy myself while i can"... So am i suppose to just really enjoy or fight for my fair share of work to do.. i mean looking back.. it just blows up in your face...
This week was like a holiday at work which i have already atune with the many public holidays this week.. when i arrive at work to find the secretary whom i'm doing OA for on leave, which my very "bo-chap" senior sitting in for her.. going for self planned "amazing race games" around the office to search for things/run errands/admin/IT runabouts..
Getting real.. how real can you be? I can't please everyone.. yet at the same time i have to.. the strategic now is just to smile and be nice to everyone whoever crosses your path.. Get real? Maybe not now but later in time to come... & of cos not become someone esles' doormat.. duh.. (can't get over the fact that someone actually asked me to do his expense claim)... I hope this all surreal feel of myself/someone esle/office/colleagues will become more concrete.. instead of just mere acqaintances/acts.. of putting up appearances.. of not irritating the hell out of me... damn...
In A Times like These.. We are called forth to be the "Salt and Light".. I must tell myself.. i can do it.. i really hard.. if i try hard enough.. to "Get Real"... not put on some fake pretence.. hide behind my insecurities but to be myself.. to shed this self-protection mechanism of paranonia.. If only things were simple and everyone has no bad intentions, good heart and a non-existent of office politics.. I hate it all.. the cold cold corporate world.. my soul weeps as she glances out of this permeable shell of life... why does things have to come to this? Can't everybody just get along.. i wish for.... World Peace.. With love from Maddy..*Peace out*..
Work has just started.. things aren't picking up.. considering the spare time i have on hand.. and each time taking my short breaks which turn out quite disasterous.. coming back to realise the whole world looking for me.. but then many kind individuals who say it's okie and not to worry.. with kind advise to "Enjoy myself while i can"... So am i suppose to just really enjoy or fight for my fair share of work to do.. i mean looking back.. it just blows up in your face...
This week was like a holiday at work which i have already atune with the many public holidays this week.. when i arrive at work to find the secretary whom i'm doing OA for on leave, which my very "bo-chap" senior sitting in for her.. going for self planned "amazing race games" around the office to search for things/run errands/admin/IT runabouts..
Getting real.. how real can you be? I can't please everyone.. yet at the same time i have to.. the strategic now is just to smile and be nice to everyone whoever crosses your path.. Get real? Maybe not now but later in time to come... & of cos not become someone esles' doormat.. duh.. (can't get over the fact that someone actually asked me to do his expense claim)... I hope this all surreal feel of myself/someone esle/office/colleagues will become more concrete.. instead of just mere acqaintances/acts.. of putting up appearances.. of not irritating the hell out of me... damn...
In A Times like These.. We are called forth to be the "Salt and Light".. I must tell myself.. i can do it.. i really hard.. if i try hard enough.. to "Get Real"... not put on some fake pretence.. hide behind my insecurities but to be myself.. to shed this self-protection mechanism of paranonia.. If only things were simple and everyone has no bad intentions, good heart and a non-existent of office politics.. I hate it all.. the cold cold corporate world.. my soul weeps as she glances out of this permeable shell of life... why does things have to come to this? Can't everybody just get along.. i wish for.... World Peace.. With love from Maddy..*Peace out*..
A starry starry night... Of wonderings..
~* Wednesday, November 02, 2005 *~
Stayed out late all hallowen night with some pals.. tried the strawberry beer from Brewerks.. it's light, sweet & smooth.. my type of thing! Crapping away all night by the riverside..
Came home really late and even though i had a long sleep til nearly 4pm.. it's ain't good enough.. I'm feeling so tired.. and stoned all day as i struggled to keep my appointment at bugis.. at least i had my fav cheng ting at "Indulgence"...
I need to rest.. i tempted to take an MC tomorrow.. cos i think i might have caught a cold.. blocked nose all nite.. now it's runny..
I need a time out to be alone.. to just rest.. to be alone.. all this polite/displomatic/fake mask i keep having to put on is wearing me down.. zonked out.. stoned out... Nothing some peaceful sleep can't fix.. good nitezy!
Came home really late and even though i had a long sleep til nearly 4pm.. it's ain't good enough.. I'm feeling so tired.. and stoned all day as i struggled to keep my appointment at bugis.. at least i had my fav cheng ting at "Indulgence"...
I need to rest.. i tempted to take an MC tomorrow.. cos i think i might have caught a cold.. blocked nose all nite.. now it's runny..
I need a time out to be alone.. to just rest.. to be alone.. all this polite/displomatic/fake mask i keep having to put on is wearing me down.. zonked out.. stoned out... Nothing some peaceful sleep can't fix.. good nitezy!
