Simple Thoughts.... Complex Thinking..... In Search For An Answer
~* Wednesday, June 28, 2006 *~
Much said but none return in the same gesture...
Efforts placed on savaging wat's left...
Seems to go unnoticed.. ignored and rejected...
This time.... is this for real?
When each word and tone and response carried such weight
that one alone can't seem to bear.....
Why did it come to this? I found no ans...
Yet only time can tell.............
My eyes only tell of the sadness which overwhelms..
Yet putting on a front just to face the world...
Hoping that it won't tell...
The only one whom can give me answers..
Who knows the truth behind the mask i'm carrying..
Chooses to set it aside... to tear apart this bleeding heart..
I can only hope and pray for that day...
Where I find what I thot i've lost once more..
Or is that not what I should be looking for....
Efforts placed on savaging wat's left...
Seems to go unnoticed.. ignored and rejected...
This time.... is this for real?
When each word and tone and response carried such weight
that one alone can't seem to bear.....
Why did it come to this? I found no ans...
Yet only time can tell.............
My eyes only tell of the sadness which overwhelms..
Yet putting on a front just to face the world...
Hoping that it won't tell...
The only one whom can give me answers..
Who knows the truth behind the mask i'm carrying..
Chooses to set it aside... to tear apart this bleeding heart..
I can only hope and pray for that day...
Where I find what I thot i've lost once more..
Or is that not what I should be looking for....
~* Monday, June 26, 2006 *~
I thot things have been going well.. however it just came crashing down when I realised some things that I've always overlooked til now... it can be summarised as below:
One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon, instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today. - Dale Carnegie, 1888 - 1955
With realisation comes sadness............ cutting deep...... of wat's loss... of the coulda, woulda, shoulda........ of the things that would've been.................
I don't wish to seat back and reflect.. I wanna make a change yet certain things are not within my control... like thing don't turn out the way you put them together in ur head, be it friends, family or lover... Openness and vulnerability.. of putting down my pride and guard.. of truth and honesty... of taking a risk and putting my heart out there... Totally battled to the ground.. torned and tattered.. Yet no offensive taken just my own doing and mine... of reaping what i've sown... of digging my nose in areas not mine...
I feel like a fool... when i realised that this world ain't such a rosy place... anymore... then how can i just stop to smell the roses... when i no longer see it thru rose tinted glasses...
One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon, instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today. - Dale Carnegie, 1888 - 1955
With realisation comes sadness............ cutting deep...... of wat's loss... of the coulda, woulda, shoulda........ of the things that would've been.................
I don't wish to seat back and reflect.. I wanna make a change yet certain things are not within my control... like thing don't turn out the way you put them together in ur head, be it friends, family or lover... Openness and vulnerability.. of putting down my pride and guard.. of truth and honesty... of taking a risk and putting my heart out there... Totally battled to the ground.. torned and tattered.. Yet no offensive taken just my own doing and mine... of reaping what i've sown... of digging my nose in areas not mine...
I feel like a fool... when i realised that this world ain't such a rosy place... anymore... then how can i just stop to smell the roses... when i no longer see it thru rose tinted glasses...
Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. - Clive Staples Lewis
~* Sunday, June 25, 2006 *~
I Lurve my work!!!!!! This week as been doing really cool stuff like certification for the Communic Asia Exhibition at the Expo.. got to check out those super high tech proto-types and products yet to be launch in the market... you just wanna get ur hands on them! But it's a trade fair.. so no retail allowed! Damn!!!
On top of that I was secretary to 2 of my firm's partners... one of them is soo charming, the other one is a fatherly figure and so polite and appreciative.. Even though i'm just sitting there.. taking calls.. taking down messages.. I felt important.. wah... can one of you kind souls just be a CEO and hire me at a astronomical remuneration? ;)
Life is so sweet..... and i'm still completely nuah from all my holidaying... and my appetiate has certainly grown from the week-long buffets on my trips... soo been trying to work out.. like Power Blading last week, dancing yesterday.. household workout today and hopefully some running tomorrow morning...
Anyway.. been spending time with my parents.. like last weekend brought my mom to crystal jade which she had no idea that they sell la mian.. she always thot it's some "dian xi" place.. and today went for "Sushi Don" at rendevous hotel... really happy to have quality time.. we must learn to treasure our family and not wait for something bad to happen to realise that...
I'm turning in early tonight as i feel the tea taking its effect.. Nitez peeps!
On top of that I was secretary to 2 of my firm's partners... one of them is soo charming, the other one is a fatherly figure and so polite and appreciative.. Even though i'm just sitting there.. taking calls.. taking down messages.. I felt important.. wah... can one of you kind souls just be a CEO and hire me at a astronomical remuneration? ;)
Life is so sweet..... and i'm still completely nuah from all my holidaying... and my appetiate has certainly grown from the week-long buffets on my trips... soo been trying to work out.. like Power Blading last week, dancing yesterday.. household workout today and hopefully some running tomorrow morning...
Anyway.. been spending time with my parents.. like last weekend brought my mom to crystal jade which she had no idea that they sell la mian.. she always thot it's some "dian xi" place.. and today went for "Sushi Don" at rendevous hotel... really happy to have quality time.. we must learn to treasure our family and not wait for something bad to happen to realise that...
I'm turning in early tonight as i feel the tea taking its effect.. Nitez peeps!
~* Saturday, June 24, 2006 *~
Other interesting stuff like these.. Human Size HP Display.. Talk abt Big.. haha
The To Die For Motorala Gold D & G Razor.. i like the LG chocolate phone better.. but too bad no pics, the stupid security guard nearly confiscated my HP while trying to take this pic.. :P
The Cute MTV "Get Mobbed" Booth...
My Secretarial desk.. U see... so messy.. the only property that belongs to me is my lappy.. will be back on duty on monday!
Oh look.. wolfy sure don't have any problems having sweet dreams... I also want!
Finally decided to take out that Dream Tea given to me a while back.. too precious to drink.. but i wanna have sweet dreams tonight!
When in the quiet of the night... thots of certain people just ring out loud in ur head that won't go away......
~* Thursday, June 22, 2006 *~
Remember that i mention previously that I ended up having to stay in a room for 7 pple on my redang trip... well, it's finally settled... here is wat actually happened, gonna share it here since some of ya wanna know the outcome..
We reach the resort at Laguna in Redang only to find out that either the agent or the hotel made a mistake and booked only 1 room, a quad sharing one.. and since it was fully booked during that weekend, hence the 7 of us had to moved into one room, the other alternative was to moved to another resort. But we were all tired from our 13 hour journey and did not want to waste any more precious time on this paradise.. we just wanna kick off our shoes and relax...
When we got back to s'pore, i had to prepare for church camp the next day hence left the situation to the guys to handle it... however on my return, i found out that it's still left hanging.. the agent told then that they'll only refund $20 each... it seems that no one really bothered abt it or they were just waiting for me to settle it.. cos it seems like i'm the only "fierce" one in the group... haha.. so watch out.. i'm no door mat.. Like wat one of the contestant in The Apprentice said, "I'm a shark dressed in a goldfish outfit.."
Anyhow, I arranged to go down to speak with the agent, only to find out she was situated at Jurong Point! Siao!!.. i refuse to make the trip down unless i know it would be settled on the spot, i called up the agent to tell her off.. $20 was way too little and proposed that $362, which David had so kindly worked out for the cost of a room based on the Resort's brochures..
The next few days, the agent called back again to tell me that the management had finialised and will only pay us $180 which is the profits they got.. Who cares abt ur profits!? If the resort made the mistake, you should go after them and not penalise us.. Kau! Trying to con me.. how can it be so little?! for seven people! I told her to pass the phone to the manager, whom she said wasn't in (LAME!) then i said i'll call back tomorrow morning.. but then she say i could drop her a email.. U think i so free to write email, i scolded her and asked her for the management direct number... which she had no choice but to give.. She has no idea who she is dealing with... *@#%$!&*%
To my surprise, half an hour later... she called back and guai guai gave me the refund + half of our snokelling expenses (which i give in, suppose to be full amt)... which comes up to S$390... but to me it's really not abt the money.. it's for the loss time, anguish, anxiety, inconvenient.. how rare it is for us to take leave, go on a trip together with our friends.. and i mean.. when you pay good money you expect the basics things.. like A ROOM!!
Anyway, i'm glad that this whole saga is finally over... i can finally turn back into being a normal loving human being instead of a fire spitting dragon.. i think i scare some of my friends.. they were so shocked that i'm behaving in such a tough manner.. they now call me "Mama Wan"... haha... i'm the leader of the tribe.. haha...so funnie!! And anyways we have decided to spent the money to go to Ritz Calton a good buffet meal.. Yay!
We reach the resort at Laguna in Redang only to find out that either the agent or the hotel made a mistake and booked only 1 room, a quad sharing one.. and since it was fully booked during that weekend, hence the 7 of us had to moved into one room, the other alternative was to moved to another resort. But we were all tired from our 13 hour journey and did not want to waste any more precious time on this paradise.. we just wanna kick off our shoes and relax...
When we got back to s'pore, i had to prepare for church camp the next day hence left the situation to the guys to handle it... however on my return, i found out that it's still left hanging.. the agent told then that they'll only refund $20 each... it seems that no one really bothered abt it or they were just waiting for me to settle it.. cos it seems like i'm the only "fierce" one in the group... haha.. so watch out.. i'm no door mat.. Like wat one of the contestant in The Apprentice said, "I'm a shark dressed in a goldfish outfit.."
Anyhow, I arranged to go down to speak with the agent, only to find out she was situated at Jurong Point! Siao!!.. i refuse to make the trip down unless i know it would be settled on the spot, i called up the agent to tell her off.. $20 was way too little and proposed that $362, which David had so kindly worked out for the cost of a room based on the Resort's brochures..
The next few days, the agent called back again to tell me that the management had finialised and will only pay us $180 which is the profits they got.. Who cares abt ur profits!? If the resort made the mistake, you should go after them and not penalise us.. Kau! Trying to con me.. how can it be so little?! for seven people! I told her to pass the phone to the manager, whom she said wasn't in (LAME!) then i said i'll call back tomorrow morning.. but then she say i could drop her a email.. U think i so free to write email, i scolded her and asked her for the management direct number... which she had no choice but to give.. She has no idea who she is dealing with... *@#%$!&*%
To my surprise, half an hour later... she called back and guai guai gave me the refund + half of our snokelling expenses (which i give in, suppose to be full amt)... which comes up to S$390... but to me it's really not abt the money.. it's for the loss time, anguish, anxiety, inconvenient.. how rare it is for us to take leave, go on a trip together with our friends.. and i mean.. when you pay good money you expect the basics things.. like A ROOM!!
Anyway, i'm glad that this whole saga is finally over... i can finally turn back into being a normal loving human being instead of a fire spitting dragon.. i think i scare some of my friends.. they were so shocked that i'm behaving in such a tough manner.. they now call me "Mama Wan"... haha... i'm the leader of the tribe.. haha...so funnie!! And anyways we have decided to spent the money to go to Ritz Calton a good buffet meal.. Yay!
~* Monday, June 19, 2006 *~
It's been such a week..
Church camp was somewat diff from last year.. not so much of a spiritual high but lessons that i brought home... like
Church camp was somewat diff from last year.. not so much of a spiritual high but lessons that i brought home... like
- How my life is some how not wat i really want..
- To straighten my thots and maybe make a real choice for once..
- Humility... that's it's not always important to fight for my own rights..
- Missionaries who gave up their life for God... oh how small and insignificant my problems and struggles really are
- For a victorious Christian life... we need balance... not some lopsided point of view that we deem a steorotypical christian is like...
- To some how not be this "ugly" person that some times just comes out..
To see how God can touch the life of some... a good friend whom i pray would really come to know God as He is... open up.. if you would just... let your guard down.. you would know that God is real...
Redang trip was a blast as..
- Great bonds and friends made
- The closeness to the sea creatures.. the sun, sand and sea...
- The "disconnection" from the rest of the world... my HP has no auto-roam...
- The funny moments of silliness, childlike games, laughter..
- Sharing of our personal life... work seems so much more now...
- A nice sun kissed tan...
Life is the same but my thots have thus shifted radically once again...
I wish now that things would slowly fall into place.. my life, my attitude, my family, my career, my friends, my future mate, my finances.. not as I live.. but as He who lived in me...
~* Sunday, June 18, 2006 *~
Pics from Church Camp and Redang!!
I've been on leave and been out out out... so no time to think.. to sit down to blog... just picture sharing... :D
I've been on leave and been out out out... so no time to think.. to sit down to blog... just picture sharing... :D
~* Sunday, June 11, 2006 *~
Before you all think that my blog died out... or i'm doing a blogicide... i better start updating it...
Just got home from redang.. it's beautiful and i really had such a wonderful good time that i really dunno where i should start...
I'm also kinda exhauted from the long 12 hr journey... so mind is in a knott and adjusting back to reality...
In the mean time... some pics that i wanna share... will put up more postes and updates when i snap back... but it's going to take a while cos pple....
I'm going to Subang.. for my "Life Abundant" Church Camp.... sooo hope you all enjoy ur rest this weekend, you work next week.. and of cos if you're on leave/toil... rest well and play hard! ;)
Just got home from redang.. it's beautiful and i really had such a wonderful good time that i really dunno where i should start...
I'm also kinda exhauted from the long 12 hr journey... so mind is in a knott and adjusting back to reality...
In the mean time... some pics that i wanna share... will put up more postes and updates when i snap back... but it's going to take a while cos pple....
I'm going to Subang.. for my "Life Abundant" Church Camp.... sooo hope you all enjoy ur rest this weekend, you work next week.. and of cos if you're on leave/toil... rest well and play hard! ;)
Our arrival at Laguna Redang Island Resort... Saying Cheese fr the Camera!
Ice cream to cool off in the hot Heat... Slurp slurp... with jelly like centre.. Shiok!
The white sandy beaches.. and clean clear water... paradise... i like....... :D
At our comfy bedroom... it's 7 to a room.. and a long long story.. tell ya more when i have more energy... :P
Sooo Summerist... So surreal... So.. "More More Tea"....
At the replica from... "Summer Love"movie, "More More Tea Inn" , starring Richie Ren and Sammi Cheng.... the "S Club 7".. wannabes... haha
Cool Poser with our sunnies...
~* Tuesday, June 06, 2006 *~
Yeah that's right... I'm off to Redang... Don't miss me too much! :P
~* Friday, June 02, 2006 *~
Words.. they mean so much yet some said with little thot to it... yet at times... it's ain't enough to fully define ur inner thots...
Words... our very form of communication... leaves me puzzle yet be dazzled...
Loss for words to say... at times it's the slience that knows you best...
"Words to say I love you
Words to say " I Do"
Accompanied by a long road to get there...
Words of encouragement
or "i'll be there"...
Seems so real... and
in other times, surreal..
Some things written beautifully in poems
in stories.. in calligraphy...
Others words lies covered in filth..
laced with lies and mockery...
I'm for once loss for words...
To express the things i wanna say..
To tell you the things that should've been said..
When in doubt and confusion...
blended with certainty and delusion..
Words are one of the beautiful things...
In this life, this earth... free for all...
it's these words that we have to learn and unlearn...
to form new and old combined..
A new evolution... of some sort of..
Ethiopia... of our time..."
By Maddy
Ever felt like you lack the vocabulary to express some thots... well.. I have... and look at wat i picked out at a recent book fair...
Words... our very form of communication... leaves me puzzle yet be dazzled...
Loss for words to say... at times it's the slience that knows you best...
"Words to say I love you
Words to say " I Do"
Accompanied by a long road to get there...
Words of encouragement
or "i'll be there"...
Seems so real... and
in other times, surreal..
Some things written beautifully in poems
in stories.. in calligraphy...
Others words lies covered in filth..
laced with lies and mockery...
I'm for once loss for words...
To express the things i wanna say..
To tell you the things that should've been said..
When in doubt and confusion...
blended with certainty and delusion..
Words are one of the beautiful things...
In this life, this earth... free for all...
it's these words that we have to learn and unlearn...
to form new and old combined..
A new evolution... of some sort of..
Ethiopia... of our time..."
By Maddy
Ever felt like you lack the vocabulary to express some thots... well.. I have... and look at wat i picked out at a recent book fair...
Check this out! The Reverse dictionary!... it's really something out of the ordinary.. fun way to learn quicky new words...
A Spanish Dictionary... for my guide to Europe.. Hm... who says i can't plan in advance... hee hee....
