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Simple Thoughts.... Complex Thinking..... In Search For An Answer

~* Thursday, September 29, 2005 *~

 
It's great this past week.. as i meet new faces, make new friends.. and i embrace a new life.. I'm positive and up & ready to go! Just had a good dinner last nite at one of my fave ramen place just at Far East Square.. a stone throw away from my office building... a good mix of different personality of sorts with my table mates.. people whom i first shook hands with as i made my way thru the office doors.

I'm glad i took up this job.. there is so much to look forward to.. like the foreign places of Singapore that i will get to explore.. from the far ends of Woodlands and Tuas which i would have never gone to visit... and I like to work in the heart of the city.. i'm a city gal.. taking in the hustle and bustle of vibrant city life.. btw, i was greeted by a super Big rainbow this morning due to short rain.. did u see it?! It's so beautiful.. the pic here is pale in comparison.. i took this while on my aussie trip...


Though there is a tat bit of information overload from the comprehensive training sessions.. as i fight back my closing eyelids to pay attention.. force myself to steer clear of msning.. occasionally asking questions so as to keep focus and keep myself entertained...

A pal of mine heading off to Japan for a year but yet i didn't make it to his farewell dinner.. sorry man.. wish i could.. but some stuff came up... I will send ya off at the airport though... :D

Just got the news that the Love of my life is here! Gade! Alritezy... so happy!.. going to take him out for a drive.. Woah!! Baby here I come!!

City Gal signing off with a good start to my working career! Cheers people!

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We live in a rainbow of chaos. - Paul Cuzanne

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~* Wednesday, September 28, 2005 *~

 
Time just flies by when you work.. b4 i know it, it's the 2nd day of the work week alrdy pass the short weekend. But lots of things have been going on.. not so cheerful ones.. like how on monday i got the news that my friend's dad passed away due to his poor health condition. It came as a shocked cos i remember the last time i saw him when we met up in our old campus to take pictures with our graduation gown.. today i see him laying there.. gone from our world. Life is so precious.. you never know when you might lose it.

I pray that she will bounce back positively.. as i saw her all frail and the sudden loss of weight from her grieve.. She is a strong gal.. and I admire her for that. But as her friends.. we will be there for her.. I send her my deepest condolenscences.. and take some time of solemn solitude in respect for her dad... I grieve with you for your loss..

Striving hard to adapt to my new worklife.. writing now has became a luxury i can't afford cos of my lack of sleep and the disappearing of my will to write... i'm still recovering from a "slip" in my life which i do not wish to elaborate.. and had a bad end to my alrdy solemn day on the public bus when a fat, smelly foul odour guy who came up to corner me in my seat when there is an empty seat at the back.. seating in and later falling asleep next to me.. i barely survived it to the next 2 stop.. completely traumatised and alighting to grab a cab home.. to my front door.. i'm staying away from all bus services for a while... despite my efforts of "de-tai tai-lism".. this is a fear factor stage that i have chose to abandon.. sighz.. so much for my start of the week.

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~* Monday, September 26, 2005 *~

 
Sorry to steal your test cranberrymist... but this just confirms my mood.. but need to try somehow to mask this for work tomorrow.. nothing is too hard with a smile.. May God be with me...

My results of my Mood Analysis Test.. http://www.colorgenics.com/sps/results.cfm?d=1&colors=71065324&name=&email= (Try it if you want)

"Enough is enough - you feel frustrated and rejected. You are fighting back and the going is tough. It would be just wonderful if you could be left in peace.

You seem to lack the energy of late to get up and go. Your objectives appear to be unattainable and no one seems to care. You feel lost, neglected and need some W.T.C. (Warm tender care).
It is hard for you to accept that your needs and desires are misunderstood by almost everyone within your sphere of influence and there is no one to rely on. Your pent-up emotions and inherent egocentricity make you quick to take offense, but as matters stand you realize that you'll have to make the best of things as they are.

You are experiencing more than your fair share of stress following an acute disappointment. This may be the result of subconscious conflict between hope and necessity. The tension that you are experiencing following your unfulfilled hopes have given rise to anxious uncertainty. You have no doubt that things could get better in the future and so you refuse to make the necessary essential decisions. This conflict between hope and necessity is creating considerable pressure. Instead of resolving this by facing up to making the essential decisions, you are likely to vacillate and concern yourself with trivialities of little consequence.

At this time you don't particularly like yourself. Everything that you have tried to do seems to have gone wrong. This makes you feel that there is no point in trying to start again. Apart from being stressed and tense, you are angry with yourself and have un-admitted self-contempt. Your refusal to admit that you and you alone is the basic cause of your problems leads to you adopting a headstrong and defiant attitude. If you take stock of yourself, smile a little and let go, everything will turn out OK. Have you not heard of the cliché 'smile and the world smiles with you - cry and you cry alone!'?"

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~* Saturday, September 24, 2005 *~

 
What is a Friend? I will tell you. It is a person with whom you dare to be yourself. - Frank Crane

True but Hard to do... cos people will never accept you totally for who you are.. cos we are flawed and they are flawed as well...

Yet when that happens... you just feel sad cos it usually between the people who are closest to you.. and then... wat should you do? Talk it out.. say you're sorry... but scars are left.. lessons are learnt and you'll never be yourself anymore..

The three hardest tasks in the world are neither physical feats nor intellectual achievements, but moral acts: to return love for hate, to include the excluded, and to say, I was wrong. - Sydney J. Harris, 1917 - 1986

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~* Friday, September 23, 2005 *~

 
Just read this article on msn "Which husband did you marry?" leaves me thinking... cos just met up with my sec sch pals.. one of them is getting married next month.. which one would you choose? That also leads me to the qn whether would you marry the one you love or love the one you marry?...

It's really complex.. love itself is very irrational matter.. I'm still trying very hard to figure it out.. with lots of heart breaks, fears and still no answers... and still going on strong...

But men.. some of them just have low EQ, bad communication skills.. others are too good to be true.. shallow and wat esle... Yet there are the few rare and in between, the elites that we fantasize out of our imagination whom turn out otherwise... No1 is perfect anyway.. so i think it is better to be with someone who you know you can trust, who you would be commited and be commited to you.. who is willing to work at it even though the sparks and passion is gone.. because.. you'll want to marry someone who has "husband material" rather than "boyfriend material".. cos this way.. you'll know that it'll last... the rest.. you just always know that they'll be ard.. in other ways of cos...

However, those that i have in my life right now... Well, I can't do without any of ya either! Just thot i would share this interesting article with you... read on...

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~* Thursday, September 22, 2005 *~

 
I'm all feeling better today now.... After reading God's Word.. Praying and of cos some rest... and some "Time Out" for myself... Finally got over my break-up with Sunny... I took some pictures; in, out and on her... haha

Then took a long drive.. around town.. to down east.. along the beach and even to the stadium.. with a good friend of cos.. I think i have made my peace.. my last night.. it has always been like that.. one last time, last nite... just to savour the moment... after that i take a deep breath, wake up from my emotional roller-coaster... open my eyes and move on...

I think that's the way i'm wired.. Some would say that's an excuse.. but i think that's how i deal with it.. need some time to think, to refresh, to recover.. after that we can take on the world! What's wrong with that?... i'm not all correct.. but i dun think i'm all that wrong either... i'm sorry if i hurt people along the way.. but i bounce back, all new.. so dun take it to heart my friend... spare me some time.. I mean everybody have their bad days right?.. just steer clear for a while.. is that too much to ask? and when i'm ready.. i'm all ears and would take things in... constructively... trust me!

These past 3 days at work has been a tact boring cos all we do is training trying to soak up information.. yet i'm trying very hard not to ans all the qns when the instructor keeps looking at me... i mean i just wanna get it on and over with!.. Get things done so we can go home faster right?! U see.. it benefits everybody.. : )

But wat i really like about the place i'm working at is the culture.. where people are willing to help one another.. to be able to ask questions freely.. and the strong methodology behind it... and working styles...

Meet up with tamz & uncle for lunchie at suishi tei.. still got time for coffee at spinelli.. i really had a good long lunch for once! then i was ready to go back to work... after that had my all time favourite Ya Kun Kaya Toast.. it was good... it's all good today.. never felt better in a long time..

Currently I've not been very homely, which explains why i couldn't update much.. it seems that my time is getting crammed.. my lack of sleep is my only compensation for following up on other more crucial activities.. it's been hard adapting to working life.. starting to take a toil alrdy but i'm sure i'll pick it up later...

Better go catch up on some sleep! Good nitezy...


The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely, or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quite alone with the heavens, nature, and God. Because only there does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature. - Anne Frank

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~* Tuesday, September 20, 2005 *~

 
Once in a while you meet someone, and soon you both discover the two of you are truly something special to each other... you share your thoughts and feelings so relaxed, so openly, and right away you know your friendship's truly meant to be. - Gary Harrington

Of course, I get angry. Of course, I get sad. I have a full range of emotions. I also have a whole smorgasbord of ways of dealing with my feelings. That is what we should give children. Give them ... ways to express their rage without hurting themselves or somebody else. That's what the world needs. - Fred McFeely Rogers

Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience directly - hurt, bitterness, grief and, most of all, fear. - Joan Rivers

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Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, 'Wow, What a Ride!' - Hunter S. Thompson

Here I am in tears but nobody understands.. it's like breaking up... by tomorrow my sunny is gonna to be gone... FOREVER.. to the scrap yard to become mash of metal.. it's really hard to let her go... But nobody can understand... to you it's just a piece of metal... yet the only one who can relate to me can't talk to me for long... :~(

I wish i could just go to sleep and forget it but i know if i do that i will regret.. cos i need the time to say goodbye.. for my one last drive.. to take some pics for memory sake.. but my folks are out with her and won't be back til 11+pm... and i've got to work tomorrow at 8:30am.... Urgh!!

I can't believe that she is gonna to be gone just like that... not even gonna to be sold to another family.. at least i could go visit or know she is somewhere around... she is going to be gone.. for real...

I didn't expect to have so much emotions evoked but i'm a sentimental person.. it's like losing a part of my life.. that car was with me ever since i was Primary 4.. 8 years old... for 15 years she has seen my worst & best days... driving me to school early in the morning.. driving it out at night for supper.. to go blading... to JB... most of the time spent in it with my loves ones... my family, my closest friends, bfs.... The time when i was so sad i went out early in the morning for a drive..

i'm not even interested to think about my first day at work.. it was boring... thanks all you well wishers.. I really appreciate it and I know that i'm loved.. Receiving all your messages really put a smile on my face this morning... but now...

Only can feel the sharp pain in my heart... this sadness i can't describe especially to you who dun have any feelings for your car... but i do... tomorrow going to work with sore eyes, red nose.. and a broken heart... I hope i can get over it fast.. most probably when Gade arrives on monday.. but there is so much history.. so much emotions.. so much memories.. so much life in that old gal..

I'm really bad at this.. bad at break-ups.. bad at leaving.. I love my Sunny.. wish i knew how to dismantle a part of her.. but i'll probably dismantle my hands instead so i shld not try... I'll never get to drive her again.. doing my "Initial D"-like.. swing ard the corner... speeding down the expressway... blasting the music.. I hate this.... if only this would be okay.. cos for now I dun feel like growing up being the calm consolidated person.. "feelings" is my middle name...


It's like committing suicide... Trust me.. I know wat it feels like.. but then again.. I need some time to morn.. to get over it... Dun tell me it's okie.. cos it ain't... and i'm not trying to over-react/AA/#@!*^%$@.... I'm just being true to myself.. especially now when i'm left with nothing tangible... it has all disappeared... only a past in the wind.. gone forever....

One of the reasons why old people make so many journeys into the past is to satisfy themselves that it is still there. - Ronald Blythe

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~* Sunday, September 18, 2005 *~

 

Juz got some pics from Joe's Birthday party.. check out the hulkies... I"m the only gal who hangs out with this bunch of sec sch gang! How come?! I'm all into the guy talk i tell ya! hee hee...



Guess who was there? Gabriel.. he was one of our "school grass" back in sec.. gals dun be envious! & did i mention he has a twin?! But Fabian couldn't make it.. too bad...



snap shot of the happenings.. I think i had a few cuppas alrdy...


Disclaimer: Pls ignore all burging tummies.. & of cos my super exhausted look.. i had a really long day.. and I know already.. i look like shit.. but who cares.... :P

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~* Friday, September 16, 2005 *~

 
The weather is freking hot in JB.. i went in to collect my graduation portrait.. Um.. it ain't up to my expectations.. cos mostly i'm still fat and bloated when i took it.. and the make-up sucks.. i'm painted all fair til it doesn't even look like me..

Stan and Cheryl who were with me agreed.. haha.. Stan said i looked like 30+ yrs old... oh boy! it's that bad.. my consolation i replied was, "if i look like that when i'm 30 yrs old.. it's not so bad!".. Stan, "that's if your complexion is still as clear!" Damn.. guys are too frank sometimes really.. dunno whether to laugh or cry.. Yet to scan the pics in.. will post it up once i do that!

Zouk is about to close for a revamp this monday, so i decided to head on down last wed to lounge and soak up the place for one last time... I have so many happy memories there..
- I was piggyback out of zouk once dead drunk by Dale
- Met my Chionging duals John & Megan!
- The place where i first met up and bonded with "The Gang"
- I can walk in & out of Members without a members card
- The platform is my fav dancing spot
- Meet a few people who turn out to be great pals.. like my scandal
- Gals nite out, birthdays, gatherings...


Then starting to get really sentimental with my old nissan.. it has so much character and it's my very 1st car.. my family had it since I was primary four.. talk about old! It's so fun.. with the old manual type of gearing.. it's really fun to drive ard! The "scars" i left behind, the scratch on the driver door which i got when i started out driving.. got it at the stupid narrow carpark behind Far East Square.. The huge dent i got at "Ah Sia Kia's" driveway while reversing out of his steep slope... the cute dogging haning at the frontscreen i got from my smu pals for my 22th birthday! The shrek donkey pillow that yirong gave me at the back seat..


This is the Best Pic i have of my old Sunny...


She has accompanied me along my drives on cool nites along east coast park, the speeding on my way home from supper, driving to school, with friends in the back seat as we pumped up the music.. the drive on/in it over the years.. so many "events" happened on my old nissan sunny.. even though she has no special name.. just "Sunny" which we address her by... I wish i could just keep her ard.. cos she has so much history, so much character... i'm kinda sad to let her go... to the scrapyard next week...

That the bad thing when we build grow so attached to certain things.. I'm gonna to miss her.. my old sunny.. i'm really sad & sorry that i've to let her go.. bye dear! *sob sob*.. I wonder if you can relate to how i'm feeling.. some of ya may think it's silly or ridiculous.. but let me know if you do... at least i know i'm now alone... :(

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~* Wednesday, September 14, 2005 *~

 
I've been head over heels.. on cloud nine.. on top of the world.. with adrenaline rushing, heart bumping.. my heart skipping a beat.. I'm in love... All over again.. with "Gade"...

Let me introduce you, I just heard about Gade last week, meet his Colt Plus counterparts at Mitsubishi Motors.. all as stunning as he, my first sighting last wednesday.. then just today we had a short but sweet "date".. shifting a few gears and turning heads on the steering... It was love at first sight!.. All stamped and approved by the family of cos...

Now Gade is my new boyfriend.. my darling... well, he has yet to arrive... but longing makes the heart grow fonder.. & sure builts up all the passion... he is not my dream but he is new interest, a new experience, all my first times of new puppy love... of new romance & nites out.. Aww... I wish you were here alrdy Gade... I should see ya in about 2 weeks time eh?! Let's cheers to our new love relationship! :D

(By the way, wanna know wat Gade means?)




My new boyfriend... Gade



Comfy laps.. hee hee...

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Having a cuppa of Korean Red Ginseng at The Big O.. along with servings of Indecent Obsession, G-spot & Bailey's Cheesecake.. Oooh... Sweet heaven!


That's b4 Ben trys to clam me up with the tea seiver... I'm sooo terrified.. yeah rite?! haha
All the queekie names... but it's a really great place to hang out.. Aaron, ben & I sat there for like a whole 3 hour long "bitching" cum "counselling" cum "problem solving" session... But again.. I think i talk too much.. can't help it.. it's my gift of the gab.. and yes.. I'm still learning to tame my um.. tongue.. :P

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~* Tuesday, September 13, 2005 *~

 
You know how we are all living in pleasant Singapore, where our shores are guarded from strong currents and waves or any other natural catastrophes.. Where we have peace and prosperity... of racial harmony & warfree zone.. so much so that we take things we have for granted. Our nation and people all driven by materiality that we are chasing the Big Cs dreams.. collecting for ourselves wealths and man-made dreams of cars, concrete houses.. just happily going about our lives of me, myself & I..

While in other parts of the world, so many natural disasters, terrorism & even war has broken out over the last few years... lke the most recent one in New Orleans when Katrina wickedly tears the town apart. I look at pics of the homeless people.. people just struggling to make their last grasp for their very survival.. where homes are no longer existent with waters overflowing and submerging it. Dead bodies flowing around, people trapped in their attics, stucked on their roofs.


A rescued boy sits alone on a highway overpass on Sept. 1 as more Hurricane Katrina survivors were being sought in New Orleans.



Pic Taken From Newsweek

Yet, there is nothing i can do, with no money or skills to offer.. because it is a place too far from where i call home.. My heart goes out to these people and could only hope and pray that their situations improves... fast & as soon as possible. I thank God for my life and the sheltered kind of lifestyle i'm having.. I'm in ignorant bliss...

When life has been a long holiday for the past months.. of partying, chilling out, visiting new lands, beach bumming, taking up new adventures.. just last week.. The gang had our annual pool throwing event, all the guys were grabbing each other to be thrown into the pool.. it's funny how they are so funloving.. blading at east coast again.. chilling out at liquid kitchen & having home-made jackfruit ice-cream.. today just met up with an old "friend".. glad it turn out better than i had expected.. then hanging out at reski...

Tomorrow it's a new day of fun stuff, testdriving my new ride at Mitsubishi... woo hoo!! Life is sweet.. even though i might have gain the few extra pounds... even if i'm lack of entertainment funds.. swinging singlehoodum of freedom.. life's precious.. let's make the best out of it!

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~* Monday, September 12, 2005 *~

 
by Ramona Cramer Tucker

(A friend shared this with me.. sometimes we say things that hurt others.. so we should learn to tame our tongues & make this world a better place.)

I admit it. I'm a talker. Chances are, if I walk into a room, I'll be
the first to say hello—even to a person I don't know.

Most of the time, my talkative personality is a positive attribute—it
aids me in making friends quickly and helps others feel included in a
group. But sometimes, I get so caught up in doing what comes
naturally—talking—that I forget to think before I open my mouth.

Almost everyone's heard the old adage: "Loose lips sink ships." When I
express my own thoughts and feelings a little too freely, I do no
harm, except perhaps allow someone to get to know too much about me
too soon. But my "harmless" chatter gets me into trouble when I share
tidbits about others.

All the little confidences I've shared, such as "Trina's* really
concerned about her daughter, Sue, because Sue's sleeping with her
boyfriend," or "Pray for Katie, she's going through treatments for
infertility," merely seemed like interesting conversations until one
day three years ago.
"Praying" for Maris

It happened over a diet Coke at my friend Ann's house. As we both
tsk-tsked about the escalating divorce rate, Ann, whose husband had
left her four years earlier, commented, "I'm so sorry for the women
behind the statistics. I know what it's like to be alone and scared
about what's going to happen next."

Just then, I thought about asking Ann to pray for Maris, a mutual
friend who had just told me that her marriage was in trouble. I
rambled on with details of Maris's marital woes. Ann hadn't a clue our
friend's marriage was so deeply troubled. She felt terrible that Maris
hadn't told her about it.

After our conversation, I felt sick, but I pushed my feelings aside.
However, as the days wore on, I realized—painfully—that I'd been wrong
to share news that hadn't been mine to share. Not only had I broken my
struggling friend's confidence, but I'd put Ann in the midst of a
distressing situation.

I swallowed my pride and phoned Ann to apologize. Then, taking a deep
breath, I phoned Maris and asked if I could come over.

Before we even sat down, I blurted out in misery, "Maris, I blew it.
Remember a month ago, when you shared with me how you and Mark were
struggling in your marriage? Well, last week when Ann and I were
talking, I told her about you and Mark. I'd meant to talk in general
terms, but then—well, your name slipped out."

Maris's jaw dropped. Her lips quivered. She got teary-eyed.

I plunged ahead. "I don't know what to say. I wish I could take my
words back, but I can't. Can you ever forgive me?"

Maris sighed. "I wish you hadn't said anything," she said slowly.
"Having someone else know about it only makes it harder on me—and
Mark. But you're right. You can't take your words back. I'll phone
Ann, so she knows you talked to me—and I'll ask her to keep it
confidential."

Ouch. Although Maris and I had been friends for five years, I knew it
would take a long time before she'd trust me again.

"Maris," I said, reaching over to hug her, "I'm really sorry. I
promise I won't share your confidences—or anyone else's—in the
future."

"Don't promise what you can't keep," Maris said softly, looking me
straight in the eye. As soon as I got to my car, the tears flowed. I
thought of Proverbs 15:2: "The tongue of the wise commends knowledge,
but the mouth of the fool gushes folly." I knew which one I
represented.
Taming my tongue

The Bible calls the tongue "a restless evil, full of deadly poison"
(James 3:8). One of the strongest commands God gives in his Word is to
watch what we say: "The tongue is a small part of the body, but it
makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a
small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the
parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course
of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell" (James 3:5-6).
When you gossip—talk idly and inappropriately about someone
else—you're allowing a tiny part of your body—the tongue—to control
you, and your words can be used to damage others.

God, who created us, knows how easily loose lips can ruin another's
reputation, introduce mistrust into a relationship, encourage the
gossiper to embellish her tale for dramatic effect, and cause her to
sin further by being tempted to lie when confronted with, "Did you
really say that about me?"

After my experience with Ann and Maris, I knew I had to confess my
wrongdoing to God and ask him to forgive me. I also needed to ask him
to help me keep my mouth shut when I should. I prayed that my
"sharing" wouldn't ruin my friendship with Ann and Maris.

Thankfully, it didn't. But it did make them more wary of opening their
hearts to me for many months—and it made me more careful about
inadvertently passing on gossip. Now when I'm privy to some juicy
news, I ask myself two key questions before I unzip my lips.
Golden Rule for conversations

Is the news approved for sharing? It's part of my innate nature to
want to be "in the know." It's easy for me to spread gossip under the
guise of being well-meaning, even prefacing my news with "I wish you'd
pray for . …"

But just because my sharing is well-meant doesn't mean it's
appropriate. For instance, let's say a friend of mine recently broke
up with her boyfriend of four years. Wanting to help her, I phone
another friend who went through a breakup several years ago to ask her
to contact my distraught friend. While my intentions might be good,
they're misguided if I don't first ask my friend if she wants her news
to be made public.

Here's a simple rule I now follow: If the other person didn't tell me,
"Go ahead and pass the news around," or "Would you ask our friends to
pray for me?" then I don't. It's not my news to share.

When the news is approved by someone, wonderful things can happen.
When I met my out-of-town friends Julianne and Jane for our
twice-a-year lunch, I noticed that Julianne had lost a great deal of
weight. I mentioned how great she looked. Julianne beamed. "I've lost
50 pounds—and kept them off! I can't tell you how great it feels! It's
such an accomplishment!"

Later, in a letter, I again told her how proud I was of her, then
asked her if I could refer two friends to her for encouragement. They
had both been struggling to lose weight. Since then, Julianne and my
other two friends have formed a weight-loss support group.

Would I want this news shared about me? If I were sitting in a room
with others blatantly talking about me, would I want what I had told
them to be shared?

My friend Michelle admits being caught in a nasty situation. While at
a restaurant over lunch, Michelle and her coworker, Sharon, stopped in
the restroom to fix their makeup before returning to their jobs. Their
small talk turned to the subject of who drove them crazy. Immediately
Michelle launched into a two-minute diatribe about Beth, a mutual
coworker. As Michelle prepared to launch into more specifics, a stall
door opened. Out walked Beth, red-faced and angry.

In a split second, what had seemed like a pressure-relief session
turned into an awkward mess. Michelle and Beth stared at each other in
embarrassed panic. Michelle knew she couldn't take her words back. In
the instant their eyes met, Beth fled out the door.

That afternoon, Beth didn't return to work, and the next day Michelle
heard through the grapevine that Beth had resigned. While other staff
members openly cheered what seemed to be good news, Michelle felt
miserable. She wished she would have talked to Beth instead of talking
about Beth.

Although that situation happened five years ago, Michelle's never
forgotten it. She tried to reach Beth several times by phone, then
wrote her a letter of apology, but Beth never responded. Michelle says
she, too, learned her lesson about loose lips—the hard way. And what's
worse is that Michelle's a Christian and Beth, to her knowledge,
isn't.

As the Bible's Golden Rule says, "Do to others what you would have
them do to you" (Matthew 7:12). What you dish out will come back. If
you have loose lips, your words will eventually return to haunt you.

A Christian Reader original article.

Copyright (c) 2002 by the author or Christianity Today
International/Today's Christian magazine (formerly Christian Reader).
--
Matthew 5:14 - You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot
be hidden.


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~* Saturday, September 10, 2005 *~

 


We all have our own private life, or so we think. It seems that it is no longer real anymore when we have to tell our parents where we are when they call, share with our closest friends our lastest hankie pankie(if any), you have to have a good reason for not turning up for service, have an MC if you are not at work.

Privacy means freedom from unauthorized intrusion according to webster dictionary.. yet sometimes we dun have that luxury. When we say we like to keep things private.. people assume that we have something to hide.. but at times it may just mean that we like to keep somethings personal. Personal moments may lose its beauty once it is over publicize. Or because it is over & not worth mentioning. Maybe it's just cos we don't have to tell you everything.

It means a loss of personal space that we so futilely guard, it's there but it's not. Cos we learn to realise that the life we are leading are no longer ours... it's forced to be shared, or when one person passes on our story to another. It's inevitable i must say, cos a private person is also a lonely person. I'm not pinpointing or judging anyone.. I just think we will all eventually experience this..

I remain puzzled but accepting of the situation... with so many unresolved contradicting reasons to my question. Or perhaps it's not a question at all... just another myth of our learnt "right of privacy" which we have to soon unlearn. Hence, our privacy is "exposed" or "intruded".

The wall we put up infront of us, is invisible, so transparent that it's not there at all. It's a security that we all yearn, a self-defence mechanism to protect ourselves from getting hurt. As we all master the art of mindreading.. as keith put it.. being street wise to outwit another is to outthink them.. read their actions b4 they even carry it out. The wall is broken down as it is being built up, we gain this new insight as we slowly wake up from this illusion.

This freedom is somewhat less mention, of just bring yourself, not comforming to other's expectation, not suppressing your emotions/thots, of creating a world of euphoria.. that you can go relieve some stress, emotions that not everybody wants/needs to know about.. nothing against God but with God.. cos God gonna to find out anyway... a time for God & myself.. dun say i'm selfish.. don't you judge me.. cos you're not God to begin with... and you're not even involve or part of it...

At times, i just need to disappear into my own personal space.. cos i think a time-out.. to be with ourselves is needed, to sort out our thoughts, to re-charge to our true selves, can bring out the best in us. This is not an excuse... this is the reality... of what i hope to have at least in my own secret invisible wall of privacy...



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~* Thursday, September 08, 2005 *~

 
Just thot that i'll update you all with pics of my seminar event.... U see... All smartly dressed up! Tomorrow gotta go for a "Amazing Race" event... at 7am!! So.. nitezy!

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~* Wednesday, September 07, 2005 *~

 

The rest of the gals... at the seminars.. All Bright & Pretty...:D

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My attempt to take a side shot.. take 1

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Take 2...

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Take 3.. Give up!

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Nice eclairs.. I da bao some for Jiayi.. she loved it!!.. & i had a mouthful.. hee hee.. :P

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We Sistas... Up close & personal....

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~* Tuesday, September 06, 2005 *~

 
I got a crystal angel for my godsis val today, inside the box it writes of how God has send guardian angels to watch over us.. I gave her that so that she will always know that God love her, & He has send his angels to watch over us.. and the Holy Spirit to comfort us.. so that thru the Holy Spirit we will not be separated from God and so that He can talk with us.. This is the same for all of you too... so if you ever have any problems.. just tell God and He will answer and send His angels to do a miracle in your life.. like wat He did in mine...


Angels.. do you believe in angels? I do.. It may be in spiritual form doing a work in the spiritual rhealm beyond wat we can see.. breaking down strongholds in our lifes.. That's why we have to ask for God to do a work that why miracles happen.. i've experience a miracle myself during my lifetime.. My grandma used to have cancer when i was very young, but after she came to know Christ, she was healed miraclously.. it's not an easy step for her to accept Christ as she was a stount buddhist all her life.. but later God decided it was time to go home.. she has a relapse and she left us soon after. But to me it was a demonstration of God's love, power and grace that enabled my gandma to be with us longer as she was at a very late stage when we found out about her condition. I love my gandma dearly, she got cancer cos she was a chain smoker.. that's why i've been so against smoking all along.. cos at the end of the day.. it's just ain't worth it...


There are also angels amongst us.. those who are there to offer help, love, support and friendship. I know of many angelic individuals in my life.. not knowing if they turn out to be angels even one day... I'm talking about the good angels, those who are there for me every step of the way.. there to offer me a shoulder to cry on, to knock sense into me when i go the wrong way, who just makes the world a better place to live in just by being in it..

Angels

I thank God for angels,
Who always protect us from danger,
A glowing light shines from their face,
As they showered us with their grace.

Secretly they do a work in our lifes,
Carrying us over the waves & tildes,
Revealing to us which is the right way,
So that we can be where we are today.

By Madeleine Wan

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I just realized that some people has used my blog as some free advertising avenue.. it's so sad.. I set up writing my blog to record my thots, my reflections, my feelings, my view.. it is my voice to things that i wish to share who those who care.. like many of u good friends who keep yourself updated with happenings in my life thru my blog...

The comments are for those who wish to share with me what they insights.. It seems that it is being abused.. people just using it to advertise some useless stuff nobody is interested in, in the first place.. it's really dishearting that stuff like that happens.. it's another thing for those people who wish to use their blogs to host advertisements..

It really cheapens the value, the true meaning of how much this blog means to me.. I'm dishearten.. The place where i write about my life & pen down my thots.. Wonder if i can do anything about it.. if you do.. could you kindly drop me a note.. :(

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~* Monday, September 05, 2005 *~

 
One of my best friends during my secondary sch days, Yanping, is going married next month! Time really flies... so fast she is gonna get married, then later get a house.. and kids... it just makes me feel like crying... I'm so happy and exciting for her... i'm sure she'll be an excellent wife! Now i need to get leave to go attend her ROM.. it's in the afternoon... I wonder who esle she invited.. it'll be like a min gathering as well in celebration for her bliss!


The bride to be.. Congrats!

Yanping & I go back a long way.. come to think of it, we have known each other for 10 years alrdy.. but we drift apart after sec sch cos we each went out own paths but we still keep in touch over the years.. She is the one i always turn to when i had problems, during my sec sch i run into some major friendship crisis with some other people and then later bf stuff as well.. We both were also from the concert band! She played the flute while I was in percussion section.. btw, she also have a twin! The three of us always hang out together and i go to their place to hang out on & off... I still can't believe it! She is getting married!!

I meet her bf b4.. a decent guy.. but very quiet.. he is shy maybe.. Glad they made it thru! I wish them all the love.. u couples out there.. to find a gal/guy u really love, do treasure it cos it's hard to come by.. especially when there are sparks and it's mutual.. my fav cousin is moving along nicely with her bf; Pat, my CG memeber just got attached too.. it seems that ard me there is so much love in the air... sweetness!

Actually i wrote one very beautiful post about God.. unfortunately my lappy died on me.. it hang and i lost all inspiration to re-write.. another time perhaps...

I've had a good day today.. at church especially.. We had an indian peacher coming to speak to us.. Dr. Ananda.. who has a great ministry in India.. can check out his website at
www.mojindia.org his life story is so incredible... and God use him to do miracles over the globe.. in healing and in his prayers....

God has spoken to me today in many levels.. i thank him for that and i know i have no worries about my road ahead... He has great plans for me.. to prosper me.


Hey people i finally uploaded my aussie pics.. do check it out at this link:
http://photobucket.com/albums/y195/maddy82sg/Aussie%20Trip%202005/?start=all

Some of the things i miss doing this holiday..


  • horseriding
  • my old smu gym
  • seeing my smu pals everyday
  • a productive lifestyle
  • wish i could stay longer in aussie land
  • getting out of the house long enough
  • swimming

yep there are some of it.. the mains ones mostly..

It's nearly 5am.. i think i'm back to my old routine... this is Bad! better try to get some snooze..


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By Bon Jovi

It's hard for me to say the things
I want to say sometimes
There's no one here but you and me
And that broken old street light
Lock the doors
We'll leave the world outside
All I've got to give to you
Are these five words when I

Chorus:
Thank you for loving me
For being my eyes
When I couldn't see
For parting my lips
When I couldn't breathe
Thank you for loving me
Thank you for loving me

I never knew I had a dream
Until that dream was you
When I look into your eyes
The sky's a different blue
Cross my heart
I wear no disguise
If I tried, you'd make believe
That you believed my lies

Chorus:
Thank you for loving me
For being my eyes
When I couldn't see
For parting my lips
When I couldn't breathe
Thank you for loving me

You pick me up when I fall down
You ring the bell before they count me out
If I was drowning you would part the sea
And risk your own life to rescue me

Solo

Lock the doors
We'll leave the world outside
All I've got to give to you
Are these five words when I

Chorus:
Thank you for loving me
For being my eyes
When I couldn't see
You parted my lips
When I couldn't breathe
Thank you for loving me

When I couldn't fly
Oh, you gave me wings
You parted my lips
When I couldn't breathe
Thank you for loving me


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~* Sunday, September 04, 2005 *~

 
I was at Singapore Science Centre today.. was doing a Family day event there.. it's been ages since i've been there.. my last trip was probably in sec 1 or 2 when i went there to watch a show at the Omimax Theatre... it's newer now with new attractions coming up.. got some really cool things such as things u can experience with your four senses which i saw on my way out... but was too tired to go explore when i ended work just wanted to go home to sleep...

I've had a really busy week even since i came back.. went for a Event Seminar on Friday at intercontinental hotel.. it's quite a big event with top people from the financial & banking industry attending.. & guess wat I met my own Uncle there.. a distant uncle so i asked him if he is so & so bro.. then he said yes.. then i said, "that means you are my uncle".. opps.. on hindsight.. so paiseh.. wat a way to put it!! but it's a small world indeed..

Later on, i went to have lunch with Jiayi.. so long never see her... so i was ard the area so must go meet her for a while... i think start work won't even have time to meet up alrdy.. i'm so sad... but then life is like that.. u gotta do wat u need to do... WORK...

Then the other night met up with Aaron for dinner & went to have Cheng Ting!! It's been so many months since i had a chance to go out with him for a long talk & all.. it's good... finally manage to talk to him about all and not just get into the main points and then bye bye!.. yeah i guess my complaining finally got to him.. haha...

I'm going to do my QT.. i'm also soooo tired... so soon one week is over.. very fast i will be at work alrdy.. I hope i get a good mentor manager and meet good people.. :D

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~* Friday, September 02, 2005 *~

 

My fear of heights has made this ride down Genting had my legs soft and closing my eyes.. attempting not to look down.. especially when it so shaking each time passing each "checkpt".

I just got back to homeground 2 days ago.. it's been a comfy & laid back trip. I've had enough food and shopping for a while... The breezy cool air up there at Gentings was soothing, where it's air-con all day long indoors and out... tried my hand at some jackpot but then.. it was down, down, down.. Gambling is not my ball game...


Didn't do much talking with my parents though cos they are all busy enjoying theirselves, with dad hitting the casinoes & hanging out with his pal.. Ah-foo.. & mom, along with her twin were going around with her auntie crowd.. hence i didn't wana tag-a-long, so went about my shopping, going for coffee with my favourite cruz, Ling! We had a fabulous time sharing.. & other terrifying moments when we both got frightened by the sound of turning door knob of our hotel room door at 3am! So scary! Lucky we double lock.. hope it's just some one who got the wrong door...

Things have been busy, i did some personality test.. I'm a high "I".. according to the tester.. means i very chatty.. "duh".. but low on the dominating scale.. um.. not too sure about that, i mean i'm dun sweat on the small stuff.. but i'm quite demanding... always taking things into my own hands.. i dun like wasting time.. but watever... it just a test...

Today was working at the clinic again.. it was quite busy with several new cases to attend to.. but my doc is super niceee.. gave me some peanut candy which his indo patient gave him.. so sweet of him!..

However, I've been dozing off on the train on my way back today cos was up real late last nite watching.. "Big Fish".. it such a beautiful story.. wish i could look at life in such a fictional way... it's be interesting.. i use to be a sucker for romance, love at first sight.. being so obsessed with my "dreams".. craving for that feeling good sensation... but over the years it has been eroded aways.. til it's not much left now..

Tontie, the gang coming over for drinks & for "Lao Por Ping" got for us from Hong Kong.. I'm looking forward to it.. better go freshen up b4 they arrive! :D

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